Kill Order
by abSoLUte234bBq
Summary: In which Allen is on the hit list of basically everyone there is, Cross has just recently come back from the dead, and Neah is just the best uncle ever. What happens when the deadly Black Order comes to hunt them down? Chaos ensues, of course. Oh, and there's also the matter of getting back in time for Road's party. 'Cause boy, her candles hurt more than any evil in the world.
1. Dead Aren't Us

**Hello, people! This is my first DGM fanfic and I hope you'll enjoy it. Just a warning, the characters will be OOC but that's necessary in order to fit them into the plot. There aren't any definite pairings but there will be lots of mentions of different ones, because I ship Allen with just about everyone. Anyways, enough with my babbling. Let's get on with the story.**

Dead Aren't Us

Allen stuffed another piece of candy into his mouth.

Normally, Allen's house would always be devoid of any and all candy because his overprotective uncle, Neah, was convinced that eating candy would give him cavities, but these had been snuck into his house by Road, who had a way of getting away with just about everything. The reason for Road getting him candies was that she wanted to offer her condolences to him for the death of his godfather, Cross Marian.

Allen's godfather, Cross Marian, had supposedly died in an explosion somewhere in Japan. For the longest time, Allen had been convinced that Cross was immortal but that incident had proved him wrong. Well, Allen still had his suspicions about that bastard's death but he never questioned it too much. After all, why question good fortune? You should never look a gift horse in the mouth.

Although Allen had not really been that upset by the situation, he had all too eagerly accepted the candies brought by Road. The reason for this was obvious to anyone who knew him, Allen was a sucker for food.

Currently, Allen was eating candy and moping(which, by the way, was another way to spell 'rejoicing' in his dictionary) over the death of his guardian while watching the news of a murder on the TV.

Usually, Allen did not like to watch the news, but this one was an exception. After all, the murder of that man had been committed by Allen himself. The reason why he was bothering to watch his funeral on the television was because Allen had this really sadistic sense of humor. For some reason, he really liked to watch the reactions of his victim's family members. It was not that he particularly enjoyed killing but he felt inclined to watch the reactions of the family.

Just as things were getting interesting with the family members creating fuss in the funeral parlor(or it may have just been the taste of that particular candy), Allen's doorbell rang three times.

Allen's first thought was, _T_ _he devil's here to get me._

And then it was quickly replaced by, _But Cross is supposed to be dead!_

And finally _, Might as well open the door._

Cautiously, Allen got up and made his way to the door. When he was halfway through, he suddenly stopped, plopped another candy into his mouth, and then resumed. When Allen had finally got to the door, he was wishing that he had brought some more candies with him, because if it really was who he thought it was, then he would need a lot of them to deal with it.

[ Allen really wished he had taken up Jasdevi's offer on the drug candies. It would have made his life _so_ much easier. ]

Allen contemplated for a while whether to rush back and get the candies, but then decided against it. Whoever was outside was probably already getting sick of waiting. He probably would not appreciate being kept waiting for much longer.

Taking a deep breath, Allen slowly, _slowly_ turned the handle and peered outside.

As soon as he saw who was outside, he shut the door back again.

Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada. No, he was not going to believe it. Sure, he might have seen it with his own eyes, but the eyes played tricks on you all the time, didn't they?

"Oi, brat! Open the fucking door!" a voice came from outside.

Slowly, Allen opened the door, hoping that it had all been his imagination. Apparently not. Reality sucked.

"Nope, this is not true. This is just my imagination. You are not here. You are dead." And with that, Allen once again shut the door on the hoping-to-be-imaginary-but-probably-not Cross Marian.

"Idiot apprentice, if you don't open the fucking door in five seconds-"

Before Cross could finish, Allen opened the door. He fixed Cross with a stare.

"You. Are. Dead." He said, pronouncing each word slowly, as if he was speaking to a child.

"Do I look fucking dead to you?" Cross thundered, fixing him with an all-too-familiar glare, "Has your brain filled with even more shit while I was gone? The heck Neah spoils a brat like you so much, I'll never know."

Allen took a deep breath.

Well, that was it. Cross was alive, kicking and cursing just as much as before. He should have known that it was too good to be true. He should have known that God would never let him live a happy life. He would always be stuck with Cross _fuckin_ ' Marian, _the_ devil of all devils.

Allen sighed. _Oh well, I suspected it anyway, so might as well accept it. Besides, even if it was my imagination, I don't think I would ever have imagined_ him _being back. Fuck my life._

"Oi, filthy brat, are you just gonna stand there or are you gonna welcome me in? No hugs? No ' _oh hey, welcome back from the dead'_?"

Allen gave him an incredulous look. He curled his fist and, before Cross even knew what was happening, Allen's fist had landed on his face.

Allen wanted to say a lot of things to Cross, such as 'why the fuck can't you just leave me alone?' and 'can't you just let me die in peace?' but in the end, he just settled for this:

"Oh hey, welcome back from the dead."

Cross muttered a string of curses and for a moment, looked like he was very much tempted to kick Allen where it hurt. Allen immediately braced himself for impact but it never came. What came instead was,

"You got any wine in there, idiot apprentice?"

 _Oh well,_ thought Allen _, Even if the explosion didn't kill him, the amount of alcohol he takes certainly should._

Comforting himself with that thought, Allen led Cross into the house and straight to the kitchen cabinet, where he kept his emergency supply of alcohol. After all, you never knew when Cross decided to show up or when the twins wanted to throw a party.

Cross grabbed a bottle of wine and started chugging it down in full swoops. Allen took this moment to start questioning.

"Alright, explain. How the hell are you alive?" demanded Allen.

"Because I never died, idiot apprentice," said Cross, taking another swing, "You should know by now that we people are really hard to kill."

Of course Allen did. He had had enough near-death experiences for a lifetime and had lived through it all to tell the tale. It was almost miraculous, the escapades of Allen, Cross and basically everyone in the Noah mafia. Most people considered them to be immortal or something.

But still, it would have been nice if that theory had been proven wrong and Cross had actually stayed dead.

"Okay, you didn't die. I can obviously see that. But how?"

"It was faked, idiot," said Cross, "We arranged it."

For a moment, Allen was dumbfounded. Then it finally clicked in.

"You faked your death?" Allen deadpanned, "And I'm guessing Neah was in on this, too. Oh well, I should have expected this. But the question is, why did you do it?"

"To get those Black Order fuckers off my back," said Cross, "They can't do anything to me if they think I'm dead. If you ask me, _your_ death is the one that should have been faked, cause you're their No.1 suspect, but of course, Neah would never let that happen to his _dear, beloved_ nephew."

Right. The Black Order. They were a pretending-to-be-the-good-guys-but-are-actually-a-crime-agency as well as a major pain on the Noah family's asses. They were hellbent on tracking down each and every Noah, especially Allen.

"We'll talk later. Let's go to Neah's," said Cross, abruptly putting down the wine bottle(which Allen noticed was empty already) and standing up.

"What, right now?"

"Yeah. My car's just outside."

Allen considered resisting but then decided, oh what the heck. Neah's house was always filled with food. Who was he to resist going there? It was, after all, Allen's personal heaven, and he sort of missed Neah too.

"Sure, let's go," clipped Allen. He took the keys of the house and headed outside with Cross. Waiting for them in the lawn was Cross's extravagant red car, which made Allen roll his eyes. Seriously, what part of being inconspicuous did Cross not understand? That car was just begging for attention.

[ But then again, Allen had no place to call Cross dramatic, what with having a pseudonym like 'The Jester' for himself. ]

He and Cross got into the car and started towards the Campbell Mansion. Sitting on the driver's seat (there was no way he was letting Cross drive after drinking) and feeling the swishing air on his face, Allen felt strangely content. Sure, Cross coming back from the dead had been a rather unpleasant thing, but then again, hadn't his life always been bad? There was nothing new here.

Yeah, Allen could live with it. At least, for now.

 **That is the first chapter. This story will probably have like, 10 chapters or something, but it might change later on. As you can see this is a Criminal AU. Things will become clearer as it goes. Please leave a review or something, people. That would be appreciated just as much as Allen appreciates food.**


	2. Friends and Foes

**I'm back with the second chapter. We get to see the very twisted but loving Noahs, the slightly mad Black Order members, and the random guy whose parking space is constantly being invaded by either Cross, Neah or Allen. There are some hints of Neah/Cross but it's nothing serious. I just put it there to have a good laugh. Here we go!**

Friends and Foes

Allen had always found his uncle, Neah D. Campbell, to be a very eccentric man. And that was to say the least.

Whenever Allen was arriving at his manor, he always seemed to know, even though Allen never bothered to inform him. It was one of the greatest mysteries in Allen's life. Road claimed that it was because of his 'Allen Complex' that he knew every time when Allen was about to come. Whatever this 'Allen Complex' was, Allen was not too keen on learning.

As always, Neah was waiting for them outside the gate when he and Cross arrived in Cross's unnecessarily flashy car. Neah's smile, which was so similar to Allen's, was perfectly in place and for a moment, he looked rather like a vampire to Allen.

But Neah was not a vampire. At least, Allen did not think so? Wait a second, he wasn't actually a vampire, was he? Allen had never thought of him in that way, but if he thought about it carefully, he could see that being a vampire would actually explain a lot about the man's behavior. He never seemed to do that well in the sun and had a weird obsession with neck biting (If the suspicious marks on Cross's neck whenever he came out of Neah's room was anything to go by).

 _What the hell,_ thought Allen _, Now I'll never be able to purge that image from my mind. I will be mentally scarred for life. My innocence was nice while it lasted._

Trying to rid himself of these disturbing thoughts and musing over his theory about Neah being a vampire, Allen pulled into the parking lot beside Neah's house. That parking lot did not belong to Neah, and Allen was not exactly sure who it belonged to, but whenever he or Cross came to visit, they always parked in that place. And judging by how Neah's car also seemed to be in that parking lot whenever his or Cross's wasn't, Neah also had the habit of stealing that parking lot. Sometimes Allen felt rather bad for the poor bloke whose parking lot was constantly being stolen by them. But that was only sometimes.

Right now was not one of those times. Allen did not feel the least bit guilty for taking that parking spot. And besides, if that guy ended up finding out, Cross would be the one to be blamed as it was his car. Allen was always up for making Cross suffer.

As soon as Allen got out of the car, he was caught in a bear hug by Neah, which was more of a death grip than anything. Allen heard Cross snort from behind and had a really strong urge to punch him.

"Can't breathe!" he managed to get out.

Neah loosened his grip on Allen. He gave a nod to Cross and then turned back to him with a huge smile.

"Allen! You finally came to visit me! You _never_ come to visit me. Why can't you come here more often?" Neah whined, making Allen sweat-drop.

"I came here just the day before yesterday."

"Still! That's way too long!"

Before Neah could go on a rant about how Allen never came to visit him and did not love him enough, Cross intervened.

"Shut up, you oversized teddy bear. We're not here to visit. We're here for business."

Immediately, Neah's expression morphed into one of seriousness. It was almost mesmerizing to Allen, how Neah's expression could take a 180 degree turn so suddenly.

"Is it about the Order." That was not a question.

But Cross nodded anyway. "Let's go in and then we'll talk. And give me a cigarette, would you? I'll need tons of them if I'm gonna be dealing with you lot."

"Wait, you _lot_?" said Allen, "You mean, _everyone_ is here?"

"Yes!" Neah nodded enthusiastically, "And guess what that means?"

"Dress up with Road? Jasdevi's concert? Skinn's tantrums? Sheril's complex? The Earl's hugs? _The family dinner_?"

Neah's smile had been wiped off now. "No. Well, _yes._ But that's not all. We're doing missions."

Allen raised an eyebrow. "We are?"

Neah nodded. Cross also nodded.

Allen grinned. "Lead the way."

* * *

Road Kamelot liked a lot of things. Candies, making fun of people, collecting cute things, playing with Tyki, spending time with the Earl and her family, etc. But most of all, she liked annoying Allen. Allen was so cute, and his reactions when she kissed him was priceless. Sure, her father's crying from the background was a little annoying but Allen's expressions more than made up for it.

As soon as the door of the manor opened and Allen entered, Road hopped off the couch she had been sitting on and rushed to him. Allen saw her coming and prepared to brace himself for impact but Road was faster. She caught him in a death that could only be rivaled by Neah or the Earl, tackled him to the ground and pressed her lips to his.

As expected, Allen tried to fight her off and made some strangled noises before giving up and letting her have her way. Sheril's wails could be heard from the background and Road was sure that Wisely was smirking at them with his signature smug look.

Neah entered the room and immediately had a heart attack.

"No! Allen!" He cried out and started pulling Road away from him. "No! Get off! You're tainting my dearest nephew!"

"What?" came Sheril's enraged cry, "My Road is not at fault! It's you blasted nephew's fault for making my dearest Road like this!"

Neah and Sheril became too engrossed in debating about their oh so precious angels and completely forgot about their original objective, which was to get Road off of Allen.

Finally, Road pulled back and Allen breathed a sigh of relief. Neah and Sheril stopped debating and turned to them. Neah immediately crushed Allen into a hug and Sheril started crying about how his dearest daughter was being tainted and was breaking his heart. Road vaguely registered Allen muttering "what is it? 'Hug Allen to death' day?" before turning to her father.

"But daddy, I love him!" she whined.

"Yeah, some love," Tyki muttered from behind, causing Road to stick out her tongue at him. Yes, very mature, she knows.

"But why? Don't you love me?" said Sheril, still wailing.

Before Road could say anything else, Jasdevi intervened by turning on a rather loud music. Everyone shot them annoyed looks but they were all ignored. Devit and Jasdero turned to Cross and Allen.

"Yo, Cross. Yo, Cross's apprentice," said Devit and Jasdero repeated it along with an extra "Hee~"

Cross and Allen nodded in acknowledgement. Tyki also greeted them and invited Allen to play poker with him later on. Wisely reminded him that he got his ass kicked by Allen every time they played. Tyki responded by saying that this time would be different, which was his response every time Wisely pointed out the fact that Tyki was a sore loser. Skinn greeted Cross and Allen before going back to his dessert. Lulu Bell, as always, was ignoring everyone.

There was only one thing missing. The Earl.

Just as Road was about to point that out, the Earl entered the room, skipping, with his umbrella named Lero swinging in his hand.

Road abandoned everyone and skipped towards the Earl. "Millenie~" she cried out as she jumped and hugged him.

"Ah, Road! I missed you! All of you, my dear family! How have you been?~"

* * *

The headquarters of the Black Order was an ominous place.

It distinctly gave the impression that something dark and dangerous was lurking about. It looked like a palace that belonged to Count Dracula or something. In order to get in, you had to climb a cliff, unless you had been there long enough to know that there was a water route down below. On the inside, it was slightly less threatening, but it was goddamn maze that sometimes put the maze runners to shame, so it kind of cut out all the good points.

Lenalee Lee loved the place.

Don't get her wrong, she didn't love it because of it's menacing nature. She loved it because her brother was here and so were her friends. Lenalee's world resolved around these people, she loved them with all her heart. They were the nicest people ever, and Lenalee herself was nothing short of a saint.

If she could forget that this place was a deadly assassination agency which gave out orders to kill people in cold blood, which she did quite often, it almost seemed like a nice, cozy home.

Yes, Lenalee regarded this dark, ominous, haunted maze of a place as her home.

Currently, she was taking coffee to the science division of the Black Order, where her brother was. Although Lenalee was a deadly assassin who killed people with no hesitation whatsoever, she rather enjoyed bringing coffee to the sleep deprived members of the science division. Sometimes, her friends wondered which was her true personality, the sweet saint who helped people in need, or the devil who could literally kill people with the heel of her boots.

Lenalee opened the door and slipped in. As expected, her brother was lying asleep among a bunch of papers while all the other members were working their asses off. Lenalee smiled at the scene.

"Brother, I brought coffee," she said in an attempt to wake him up. When he did not, Lenalee sighed. Looked like drastic measures had to be taken. She placed the tray on a table and leaned towards her brother.

"Brother~ I found a boyfriend~" she whispered in a sing-song voice, and immediately got the desired reaction.

Faster than the eye could follow, Komui Lee jumped up from his position with a drill in his hand, which no one knew how he had gotten, and started shouted at such a high pitch voice that Lenalee thought her eardrums would burst, if his wind pipe didn't burst first.

"No! My dear Lenalee! How could you do this to me? Who is this person? I will skin him alive! I will make sure-"

Lenalee giggled. "Relax, brother. I don't have a boyfriend. I just said that to wake you up."

Komui breathed a sigh of relief before his eyes lit up. "Lenalee, You brought coffee for your dear brother! Oh I am so happy! You are a saint, my sweet, sweet Lenalee~"

Lenalee sighed. Sure, she secretly liked being smothered by her brother but he always went a tad too far.

"Yes, I did," she turned to everyone in the room, "Everyone, I brought coffee!"

Everybody immediately abandoned their work and took a cup for themselves, all while showering Lenalee with compliments and praises, all of which Lenalee accepted with a smile. Yes, she really did love this place a lot. As well as the people in it.

As soon as Komui had finished his coffee, his expression morphed into one of seriousness. "Lenalee," he said, in a tone that meant business.

Lenalee immediately grew worried. Komui only ever used that tone when something was wrong. Really, really wrong. Lenalee did not like hearing that tone of his. She hated it more than Kanda's hate for Lavi, and that was saying something.

"What is it?" She asked, not really wanting to know the answer.

"You, Lavi, Kanda," said Komui, "You have a new mission."

 **Cut, cut, cut! The Noahs and the Order have both made an appearance. I lied when I said that we'll see the guy whose parking lot is always stolen, he did not make an appearance, but he was only mentioned. Also, that guy isn't really just a random person. We'll get to know who he is later on. He will actually have a rather important part in the story. Next chapter, the missions start. So you better get excited!**


	3. Customers in Pink Pajamas

**Here's chapter 3! Here, we get to see a very pissed off Kanda, a more-annoying-than-usual Lavi, a more-pissed-off-than-Kanda Black Allen, and a very confused Link. What the hell? Neah is being stupid but that fact per se is not important. It's just that it's driving Cross crazy, leading to him taking it out on Allen, leading to the emergence of Black Allen, leading to a very perplexed Link. Don't get it? Just read on.**

-Customers in Pink Pajamas-

Kanda Yuu was not a man of patience.

He absolutely hated waiting or taking time with anything, which naturally meant that he absolutely loathed those unnecessarily long and numerous stairs which led to the church. It not only took time to climb them, but they also made his feet ache. They were so not worth it. Even going to the church for a mission was not worth it if it meant he had to climb those goddamn stairs.

In the end, the climb really did turn out to be futile. They found absolutely nothing in that church and were instead stuck listening to the boring stories of the old man who lived there. Kanda was really on the verge of snapping the man's neck but Lenalee and Lavi managed to hold him back.

Right now, the three of them were climbing down the stairs to get back to town. Well, at least him and Lenalee were. That idiot rabbit had cooked some excuse about how he was oh so tired to walk and walking even one more step would give him a heart failure, so Lenalee had forced Kanda to give Lavi a piggy back ride. And Lavi had agreed all too happily. What the fuck? Was he, like, five years old or something? He had his own two legs, for fuck's sake.

So, guess who was climbing down excruciatingly long stairs in high noon with a supposedly sick idiot rabbit on his back?

Yes, that's right. Kanda Yuu.

Fuck his life.

"Mm~hmm. Yuu-chan is so comfortable," Lavi mumbled into Kanda's back. Lenalee giggled at the sight while Kanda tried to glare at Lavi which was quite impossible to do since Lavi was on his back.

Yup, his life sucked really, really bad. Kanda was seriously contemplating between throwing Lavi down those stairs and committing suicide. _Anything_ was better than this. Literally anything. He would even put up with Lenalee's kicks and Komui's sister complex.

"Shut up, idiot rabbit. Say that again and I will not hesitate to throw you into the forest," Kanda snarled.

"Aww, so that means you're hesitating now? I am so touched Yuu-chan," said Lavi, smirking.

"Alright, that's it, idiot rabbit! I am gonna-"

Kanda was just about to throw Lavi but before he could, Lenalee, luckily for Lavi and unluckily for him, decided to intervene. She immediately grabbed both of their heads and gave them a very disappointed look, as if they were her children who had just been caught trying to steal chocolates from the fridge.

"No fighting, both of you," she said, "Or else I'm telling brother that you tried to rape me."

See? There was a reason why Lenalee was deadly. She wasn't called lethal for nothing. Even without her oh so famous boots, she was perfectly capable of killing or, at least, scaring someone with equal brutality via her brother, Komui, aka the robot-crazy sis-con.

Kanda and Lavi both valued their lives a lot so, they wisely decided to shut up listen to Lenalee. She was currently going on about how it was night already and they really needed a pace to stay. Well, that was true. If they were planning on staying to finish the investigation in this town, they would have to find a inn soon.

He just hoped that they would be able to find two different rooms, because he sure as hell wasn't going to sleep in the same bed as Lavi again. He had learned his lesson last time, thank you very much.

* * *

There were two things in the world that Allen Walker hated.

OK, let us rephrase that. There were _many_ things in the world that Allen hated but these two were the ones he hated the most. 1) Cross and his debts. 2) Neah and his nagging.

And he had been having to deal with _both_ of these things just before being sent on his mission. So really, it was understandable why he was in such a cranky mood even though he had just gotten his first mission in two months. And this mission was proving to far more of a pain than he had anticipated.

His mission was to find this long-haired blonde guy named Howard Link and deliver the Noahs' latest and most expensive drugs to him. Apparently, that guy had contacted them around a week ago, saying that he wanted to buy their very best drugs and he was willing to pay anything. Personally, Allen found that request to be a bit suspicious but all of his suspicions had been thrown out of the window when he payed some extra money.

Allen had thought that it would be easy enough to find him but after aimlessly wondering around the city for who knows how long, he was pretty much ready to let Black Allen on the loose on this guy. Seriously? If he was supposed to be living in the same city as them, how come he could not find him anywhere?

[ Okay, that _may_ have had something to do with Allen's horrible sense of direction. But there was no way he was going to admit that. ]

By now, Allen was willing to bet that he had roamed the whole city for at least twenty times, and his fucking customer was nowhere to be seen. Was he purposefully keeping away from him? No, no, that should not be possible. Whoever this idiot was, he was still somewhere in this place. But Allen had absolutely no idea how to find him.

He should have taken some drugs himself before starting his mission. Really, why did he bother to refuse Jasdevi's drugs every time? They would make his life so, so much easier. If only, if only.

Allen plopped down on a bench in the park as he licked his fifth ice-cream. He was getting extremely tired of searching for his so called customer.

Then, as he lamented his inability to find his customer, a brilliant idea suddenly popped into his mind. Why didn't he just ask around? The people in this town almost always knew everyone, so there was a really good chance that someone knew who this Howard Link person was.

Filled with new found determination(as well as blood lust) to find said person, Allen got up from the bench and walked up to the nearest person. Allen gave him a really sweet and innocent smile which immediately had the guy hooked, and asked in his sweetest sugar-coated voice,

"Excuse me, mister. Do you anyone by the name of Howard Link?"

"Howard Link? Oh, you mean the long blonde haired dude, with the two moles on his forehead?"

Wait, he had two moles on his forehead? Now that was news to him.

"Yes! He's the one I'm looking for. Could you please tell me where I can find him?"

"Oh, yeah! He lives just down the street. You know that big mansion down there? His house is just beside that."

Allen beamed. "Thank you so much, mister!"

With the information of where Link lived, Allen started down the street. Of course, with his sense of direction, it took him around half an hour to get to the right place. But when he did, it turned out the he standing right in front of the Campbell Manor.

So, that meant that this Link guy was actually their neighbor. And he had just traveled around the whole city, for who knows how many times, for absolutely nothing. Great, just great. Yet another reason why he should let Black Allen give him a piece of his mind.

Purposefully, Allen made his way to the house beside the Manor. Tried to restrain his anger, he rang the doorbell and waited for resident idiot to open the door.

Five minutes passed without anyone opening the door. Just as Allen was starting to feel quite ridiculous standing there and was considering breaking the door down, it opened, revealing a very disgruntled looking man.

Turned out, it was the random guy whose parking lot Allen always stole. And he was wearing pink pajamas.

Huh, small world.

* * *

Inspector Howard Link was a very diligent person. He did his work with utmost efficiency. So when his superior, Malcolm C. Lvellie, had contacted him about the Noahs, Link had immediately gotten to work and contacted them, asking to buy their drugs.

His plan that been going smoothly. The Noahs did not suspect a thing and they had agreed to bring him the drugs that he wanted. Everything was going just as he had accounted for.

But what he hadn't accounted for, was for a teen with peculiar white hair and a red tattoo(?) running down his face to come to his house when it his bed time. And the white-haired boy did _not_ look very happy to see him.

"You... You're Howard Link?" The whittete asked him.

"Yes?" Link answered but it came out sounding more like question.

Then, as if magically, horns sprouted from the boy's head and he had a look rivaling Satan's which sent shivers down Link's spine.

"I finally found you!" he said, curling his hand into a fist.

And with that statement, Link was convinced that he had just come face-to-face with a Grim Reaper. But Link had absolutely no wish to die. He still had his whole career as an inspector ahead of him. He hadn't even completed his first real assignment!

So, he hid the thing that any rational human being would.

He screamed. And then ran.

* * *

Although Allen was having absolutely _no_ trouble chasing him whatsoever, he had to give the guy some credit. Link could run _fast._

But Link was starting to tire out, and Allen could see that. So, he took advantage of the situation to catch up to him and grab him in a headlock, making it perpetually impossible for him to escape.

A devilish grin was settled on Allen's face and the aura coming out of him kept everyone at least ten meters away from him. Link was trying to get free and run as far away from his as possible but Allen was an experienced and naturally skilled fighter. As if he was going to let his prey get way that easily.

Allen started dragging Link to the nearest inn, where he had some friends. All the time, Link was squirming as it was extremely uncomfortable to be dragged somewhere while locked in a headlock by a person who was much shorter than him.

"At least tell me what I did! Why are you doing this?" came Link's muffled shouts.

"What you did?" said Allen dangerously, "You made me go around the whole city for god knows how long or how many times just to deliver some stupid drugs! I would kill you if I could, but unfortunately, you're a customer and we're not allowed to kill customers."

"Wait, you're a Noah?"

"No duh."

Link gave him an incredulous look. "But aren't you, like, underage or something? Aren't you too young to be involved in those sort of things?"

Allen snorted. "Yeah, and aren't you too old to be wearing pink pajamas?"

..."They're fashionable," said Link lamely, making Allen snort once again.

He dragged Link into an inn that looked dirtier than an alley rat. He told Link that they were going to be there for a while and then Link would get his drugs. But actually, Allen was just planning on making some money playing poker. He thought that it would at least make his mood somewhat better. And the great food that they served in here was an added bonus.

Little did he know, it was actually the same inn where the Black Order members were staying at.

Oh boy.

 **And it's done. What did you think? Next chap, we get to see what the other Noahs' missions are and what happens when Allen meets the Black Order for the first time. So you better get excited, people. It's gonna be one heck of a roller coaster. Review and F &F.**


	4. Kill Your Darlings

**'Sup, people? I'm back, with the fourth chapter of this story. As promised, you will get to see the missions of the other Noahs and Allen's reaction to the Black Order members. Without further ado, let us start the chapter.**

 **-** Kill Your Darlings-

Tyki Mikk was heavily regretting his life decisions.

Well, that was not really a new thing. It happened every time he had the misfortune to be paired up with Road on a mission. Which was to say, a lot. Road was just so, so annoying sometimes. He would rather be paired up with literally anyone else. Even Cheater Boy A.

...

Okay, on second thought, he would rather be paired up with Road than Allen. That boy could be a living nightmare sometimes. Allen always claimed that Cross was the incarnation of the Devil, but he himself was nothing short of it either.

But then again, with Allen, Tyki would at least have a partner to play poker with. With Road, it was just babysitting. And babysitting was not one of Tyki's hobbies. Especially is said baby happened to be Road.

Tyki sighed for the umpteenth time.

Road looked up at him. "What's wrong, Tyki?"

"Ah, nothing, Road. Absolutely nothing."

Road gave him a suspicious look but did not ask anything else. Instead, she started talking about the mission.

"Right. So, we have to find this man named Hendrick who apparently likes to cross-dress. He's been leaking all sorts of information about us. You know, what information brokers do. Basically, we have to find a drag queen," said Road, "and get rid of him."

Huh. No wonder the Earl gave this mission to Road. She was all about trying to get boys to wear girls' outfits. Most of the time, her victim was Allen. But Tyki could not exactly blame Road for that. Allen made a pretty hot girl.

"Alright, let's get on with it."

* * *

Jasdevi were currently too busy dealing with their chicken to actually start their mission. Well, the chicken belonged only to Jasdero, but seeing how Devit was fussing over it, it was easy to think otherwise.

How they had got the chicken, was a really long story. Or so Jasdevi liked to claim.

In reality, it was actually a very short story. Jasdevi had been sent by the Earl to find Cross who had been missing at that time. They tracked Cross around the world and when they finally thought they had caught him, they instead found a chicken. For some reason, Jasdero really took a liking to it, and it had been living with them ever since.

But having a chicken in the house was not easy at all. Especially if that house belonged to Jasdevi.

"What?" screamed Devit, "Dero, did you feed it steroids again?"

"Ehh?" said Jasdero, "I only gave it protein shake."

Devit choked. "You gave protein sake to a _chicken_?"

"Yes? But it was not too much, I swear! Hee~"

"Oh yeah? Then why the hell is it twice its size and trying to kill me?"

"Maybe it doesn't like you?"

"Kill it! Kill it! Bring the guns, Dero! We're having chicken stew tonight!"

"Yes, stew! Hee~" said Jasdero, "But do we _have_ kill it?"

Yes, that was how everyday life went on in Jasdevi's house. The chicken was absolutely the best and the worst thing that could happen to them. Jasdero actually liked it as a pet, but Devit? He only kept it as emergency rations.

* * *

"Hey Earl, why did you not send me on a mission?" asked Wisely. He already knew why, he had a knack for knowing what someone was going to do before it was done. But still, he wanted to hear it from the earl's mouth.

"That's because, my dear Wisely," said the Earl, "I have a different job for you~"

* * *

Allen sighed in relief.

That Link guy had proven to be far more persistent than he had originally thought. But after lots of shouting and cursing, Allen had finally managed to lock him in one of the rooms and was now enjoying himself by stripping people of all their money and clothes. In poker, not anything else, perverts.

"Royal Straight Flush!" Allen said with a smile, once again winning another poker match. The other guys stared at him with disbelief.

"What the fuck, this guy is a total pro," one of them whispered.

"What? No way! he's definitely cheating!" accused another.

"Now, now. It's not good to accuse someone without evidence," said Allen, his perfect smile still perfectly intact.

"Why, you!" The man lunged towards him, his fist extended. Too bad for him, Allen was an experienced fighter. He caught his fist with ease.

"Hey, that was really rude, you know," said Allen, his voice now bordering on threatening, although his smile was still in place. Allen Walker, the only person who could radiate so much killing intent while smiling

The guy let out a roar and tried to hit him once again but Allen was quicker. He caught his arm and twisted it before punching him in the face. The man flew back and hit the wall. Allen supposed his nose had probably broken. Well, that's what he got for trying to pick a fight with the Demon Poker King.

Some other guys were now getting ready to hit him but they were all interrupted by a trio of the weirdest people Allen had ever met.

Okay, that was not true. Allen had met plenty of weirder people in his life. He lived with most of them.

But these people were really weird too. One of them had really long black(or was it blue?) hair that was tied in a ponytail. After some speculation, Allen determined that it was not a girl, but a guy. And he also had the meanest scowl on his face. Well, Allen as Red could probably manage much worse but for now, he was going to give the title of 'The Worst Scowl' to this girly haired man.

The other guy in the group had vibrant red hair, and wore an eye-patch. He was grinning so brightly that Allen almost had an urge to shield his eyes. He was arguing with the girly haired guy, which was the thing that had interrupted the fight.

The third one was a girl. A girl with dark green hair tied it two pigtails, wearing the shortest skirt Allen had ever seen. Her skirt was shorter than was probably allowed, but somehow, she still managed to look totally innocent while wearing it. She was trying to put a leash on the two guys to stop their fighting. Quite literally. Allen decided that she was someone he did not want to mess with.

Just by looking at them, Allen became sure that they were more than they were showing. They were different from all the other people gathered here. They were... They were like him.

 _Assassins,_ his mind supplied. Allen could feel his smile growing, stretching all across his face in classic Noah-style.

 _This just got a whole lot more interesting._

* * *

Neah sipped his coffee and let out a contented sigh.

He was really, really glad that he had not been given any mission. The pretend death of Cross had been a really tiring business. He was sad that he could not tell Allen about it but what was done was done. He should probably give Allen a feast to make it up to him.

"Oi, Campbell," said Cross, "Are you spacing out again?"

"Ah, sorry, just thinking about Allen."

Although Neah's eyes were closed, he could practically feel the frown directed towards him by Cross. "You spoil the brat too much."

Neah laughed. "As if you're one to talk. Who was it that sent anonymous gifts ti him every Christmas, his birthday? Hmm, I wonder."

"Shut up," said Cross but there was actually no bite in his words. "It's necessary. He's necessary. He's the best I've ever seen It all comes naturally to him. Like he was born to do this job."

"Hmm," Neah mused, "Sometimes, he reminds me of Mana so much that I think he's actually his biological son. But real son or not, he's still my dearest nephew~"

Cross snorted. "Like Mana was your 'dearest brother'? Look what you did to him."

Neah sipped his coffee once again. It was not like what he had done to Mana had been on purpose. But it also hadn't _not_ been on purpose. It was something that had been happening in a cycle in the Campbell family for decades. Nothing he could do would stop it.

But Neah would protect Allen from it. At least, until he could understand. Neah would rather be the one killed than be the one to kill his darling.

"It's okay. I'll save Allen from it. From everyone. Even the Noahs. Even you."

Cross lit a cigarette. "Aren't you the one to be most concerned with? Look who's talking now."

 **Cut. The last part was rather ominous and sort of dark, but you know what the funny thing is, it's totally irrelevant to this story's plot. Anyways, this is chapter 4. Next chap, Allen and the Black Order have a direct confrontation and we get to see the scene from the perspective of both parties. See ya later, folks!**


	5. Of Beansprouts, Rabbits and Yuu-chan

**Hiya, people! My report card just came in and I came at the top of my class, so I am rely happy right now. And since I am so happy, I am going to write an extra long and eventful chapter! Get excited, all of you! Oh, and btw, Lavi ships a lot of people in this story.  
**

-Of Beansprouts, Rabbits and Yuu-chan-

Kanda Yuu was, to say the least, extremely pissed off.

Idiot Rabbit, had been annoying him, as per usual, which he was totally fine with because it gave him an excuse to use said rabbit as target practice for his beloved sword Mugen. Only problem, Lena would not let him do it. She was persistent that Kanda should not draw his sword in front of all the people in the inn because that would apparently scare everyone away and that was the last thing they wanted. Please, as if Kanda gave two fucks about those people.

But still, Lenalee was stubborn. If it had not been for her annoying sis-con of a brother, Kanda would undoubtedly have completely disregarded her and did as he wanted. But such was, unfortunately for him, not the case. He was stuck with Lenalee holding his head in a headlock while cornering Lavi and trying to kick him. Yes, such was life when the three of them had the misfortune to be stuck on a mission together.

"Co-come on, Yuu-chan. I already said sorry, didn't I? Stop trying to kill me!" said Lavi nervously. Between trying not to get hit by Mugen and getting away from Lenalee, Lavi was in a rather tight spot. Kanda felt a small amount of happiness at seeing him squirm but it quickly disappeared when Lenalee gripped his head tighter.

"Ow, ow! Stop it, woman! Are you crazy? You're killing me!" Kanda complained, which only caused Lenalee to smile sweetly at him and kick his shin.

Lavi, that insufferable idiot rabbit, grinned at Kanda's misfortune and even had the audacity to wink at him.

"How does that feel, Yuu-chan? Having your precious friend trying to kill you? Hmm~" Yep, Kanda was _so_ going to kill him.

"Why, you- You call me that once again and I swear I will-" Kanda was cut off by Lenalee gripping him tighter and bringing his face closer to hers. She gave him a sweet and innocent smile that Kanda knew from experience was anything but. Lenalee spoke, her voice laced with almost indistinguishable malice,

"You swear you will _what,_ Kanda?"

Kanda wisely chose to shut up. After all, he did like to have his balls intact. No point in having an early death when he had so much potential to do so many worthwhile things in the future. Namely, killing a certain Idiot Rabbit and a mad scientist with a sister complex.

Kanda was so fed up with all this shit. God must take some serious pleasure in making him suffer.

Kanda was aware that all the other people present in the inn were staring at them like they had each grown second heads. But Kanda couldn't care less about that. They were all stupid extras who did not know how to mind their own business. He did not give a flying fuck about them.

... Except, he _did._ He did give a fuck and no matter how much he tried, he could not shake of the feeling that someone had fixed them with a piercing gaze. That would not normally bother him so much but for some reason, he felt really irked.

Kanda swept his eyes around the room to find out who this person was. It did not take him too long. As soon as his eyes landed on the culprit, Kanda mentally smacked himself for not noticing earlier. That guy stood out so much that it was practically impossible to miss him.

First of all, his hair was totally white. And he did not mean that in an old-man sort of way. It was a vibrant white, if that was even possible. And for some inexplicable reason, his hair made Kanda really irritated. Next, there was a weird red tattoo running down the left side of his face. Or was that a scar? He was not too sure. And lastly, there was that perfect, angelic smile on his face. It put Lavi's (fake)grin and Lenalee's saint face to shame.

If Kanda had been thinking carefully, he would have found that the boy was actually really cute. And he would also have noticed that he was probably underage. And that his grey eyes had a sort of dangerous glint to them. And that his smile was stretching a bit too much across his face.

But Kanda was too angry at him for no reason at all to take notice of these small details. Kanda did not even know the guy, yet the mere sight of him somehow managed to rile him up. That sort of thing had not happened to him in years. Not since Lavi came to the Black Order for the first time.

[ That had been a really traumatic experience. Both of them later agreed to never speak of it again. ]

Anyways, Kanda was feeling really irritated. And when Kanda felt irritated, he got rid of the source of his irritation. So, he decided to do exactly that.

After squirming for a whole minute and earning some smug looks from Lavi, Kanda finally managed to break free from Lenalee's headlock. He glared daggers at both o them but decided to save the death-threats and insults for the white-haired guy that he was planning to teach a lesson. Did his mother never teach him that it was rude to stare? Oh well, Kanda was going to teach it to him now.

He walked right up to the white-haired boy and glared at him. When he received no response, his irritation only grew.

"Oi, beansprout, haven't you ever heard that it's rude to stare?"

* * *

 _Is this guy for real? He just waltzed up to me and accused me of staring without any reason whatsoever. And he called me a beansprout! A beansprout! That's almost worse than being called Allie-pop! OK, no, it isn't. Wait, I'm getting off track here. He has absolutely no right to call me that!_

Whatever interest that Allen had previously held towards conversing with the weird trio was slowly disappearing. Were all of them as rude as the girly-haired dude? If they were, then Allen did not think he would be able to keep Black Allen in check.

"And didn't you ever hear that it's rude to call people names?" Allen responded smoothly, his lips twitching up a bit more at the irked expression on Girly-Hair's face. Huh, maybe it would be fun to talk to them after all.

"Don't try to get smart with me, beansprout. You were definitely staring at us earlier!" said Girly-Hair, gritting his teeth.

"Was I? Well, if you knew that, doesn't that mean that _you_ were staring at _me_?" Allen asked smugly. He was having way too much fun.

"Why, you bastard-" Girly-Hair started, lifting his hand. Allen instinctively braced himself for impact but in the end, it never came. Instead, Allen opened his to see that the guy was being held in a headlock(once again) by the girl with the pigtails and the short skirt. The Eyepatch-dude was lagging behind, a stupid grin on his face. Allen could tell on first sight that it was totally fake.

"Kanda, you can't just try to hit random people! That's bad manners!" The girl scolded Girly-Hair, now identified to be Kanda. Allen supposed he was probably Japanese. The girl looked to be sort of Chinese herself.

The girl looked at him and apologized, "Oh, I am so sorry about him. He's always like that, so please don't mind him. I am Lenalee, by the way, and this idiot over here is Kanda. And that's our friend Lavi."

Kanda, aka Girly-hair in Allen's mind, mumble something indecipherable into Lenalee's hand but he was ignored by everyone.

Allen smiled politely, because he was such a gentleman.

"It's no problem, Miss Lenalee. My name's Allen. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance." Allen held out a hand for Lenalee to shake, knowing full well that she would have to let go of Kanda to do so. Allen wanted to see whether she would actually do it or not.

Lenalee looked conflicted for a moment but then decided to let go of Kanda in favor of shaking Allen's hand. She gave his hand a firm shake before quickly pulling back, a small blush settled on her face. As soon as Lavi took notice of it, he wolf-whistled, earning a smack to the head from Lenalee.

Allen just smiled. He was used to this sort of thing. He had to deal with Jasdevi and Wisely's smug 'I-know-something-that-you-don't' looks every time Road kissed him out of the blue and he tried to deny that he had feelings for her. Because he didn't.

"Why the fuck are you two interfering? I was just about to teach his guy a lesson!" Kanda complained, sounding whiny even to himself.

"Kanda, language!" scolded Lenalee, while Lavi gave him a cheeky grin.

"Aww, Yuu-chan, what sort of lesson were you going to teach him? I didn't know you were into younger guys, Yuu-chan~" Lavi said in a sing-song voice, clearly just trying to get a rise out of the long-haired man.

His plan worked. Kanda immediately went beet red and growled at him, "That's because I'm fucking not, Idiot Rabbit! Keep your perverted thoughts to yourself!"

Idiot Rabbit and Yuu-chan. Interesting nicknames, Allen observed. He wasn't entirely too worried about Lavi thinking that Kanda had been hitting on him, because people hit on him all the time. It was a normal occurrence. But usually, either Neah or Road were present to beat the shit out of anyone who dared to do it. Also, Allen's attention was now onto something entirely different.

Food was being served. Allen knew that the food served in here were absolutely the best and nothing was going to keep him from eating at least three servings of it. Literally nothing. Not even the weird trio of probably-assassins. Not even Link, if he somehow happened to still be up and kicking.

"Ah, excuse me, I have to go," said Allen, and before they could respond, Allen was already out of sight.

* * *

Lavi was convinced that Kanda and Lenalee had a crush on Allen.

Kanda had left them without any explanation and gone up to the white-haired boy, and Lenalee had blushed when they shook hands. They never did those sort of stuff. It was enough to convince Lavi that they were totally crushing on Allen.

Not that Lavi could blame them. Allen really was cute. And a total gentleman. These sort of good boys were probably Lenalee's type. And as for Kanda, opposites attract, don't they?

Lavi's imagination was in full drive. He wondered which one of them would end up with the mysterious white-haired guy they had just met. Lenalee? Kanda? Or maybe he already had a lover? That was also possible, he supposed.

Lavi's thoughts were interrupted when a small figure suddenly bumped into him. Looking carefully, Lavi saw that it was a girl with a petite but voluptuous figure, wearing a black, somewhat skimpy dress. Her hair was layered and it framed her round face which was decorated with a decent amount of makeup. Definitely Lavi's type.

"Strike~"

Lavi supposed his fantasy about shipping Allen with his friends could wait until later. Right now, he had a girl to pursue.

 **Whew! That was actually rather hard to write but I'm happy with the outcome. Lavi being a fanboy is something that I really like for some reason and as I said before, I ship Allen with practically everyone. Next chap, Allen accidentally ruins the days of Cross and Neah. Wanna know how? Then leave a review and follow and favorite. Until next time ;)**


	6. Bar Hopping Contest?

**Let's just cut to the chase. Enjoy.**

\- Bar Hopping Contest? -

Link liked his bed to be soft and cozy but decently sized.

He rarely got what he liked.

When he woke up, he found himself in a small room, lying on the most uncomfortable bed ever. He rubbed his eyes and took in his surroundings. And in the next moment, he died of a heart attack.

Well, no, not really. But he was damn close to having a heart attack.

Link liked his room to be clean and organized. As stated before, he rarely got what he liked.

This room was anything but clean and organized. The corners were covered with cobwebs, the floors creaked when he walked, the ceiling looked like it was about to fall on his head any minute, there were no windows, and the bed was so hard and stiff that Link had a backache from sleeping in it. Needless to say, he was not feeling much love for the room.

Well, at least it has a bathroom. Otherwise, Link would really have had a heart attack.

The bathroom had a window. From there, Link could see that it was dark, meaning it was still night. Maybe it was midnight? Probably. But where exactly was he? As soon as that occurred to him, he mentally smacked himself for not noticing earlier. This was not his house. So where was it?

Link shook his head and washed his face. And pretty soon, he started remembering the events that had lead to him coming to this shady place.

That white-haired kid. Ugh. Link shivered just at the thought of him. He was convinced that the kid was devil incarnate.

Link figured that the place he was in right now must have been one of the rooms in the bar where the white-haired boy had dragged him. Come to think of it, what was his name? Link was getting tired of referring to him as 'the white-haired boy'.

Link wanted to get out of his room and find that guy but then he wandered whether it would be wise to go out like this. After all, he was still wearing his pink pajamas.

And then he remembered the white-haired boy's comment about his pajamas and thought, oh what the heck. He was going to go out like this, even if it was just to spite the boy.

Link went out of his room and went downstairs. As soon as he entered, he felt as if he had just walked into a zoo where all the wild animals had gotten out of their cages and were running rampant. People were shouting and fighting and eating and making out and what not.

It looked like food had been served for everyone, and it looked like the food was really good. Everyone was stuffing their faces with as much food as they could. But there was one person at the center of everyone's attention.

It was that white-haired boy. And he was practically _inhaling_ his food.

Just by looking at him, people were starting to slowly lose their appetite. Not the Link could blame them. That guy had so much food on his plate, Link wondered how he had even managed to fit them in his plate. Or rather, he wondered how the chef here had even managed to _cook_ that much. And also, he was somehow managing to follow all table manners and looked like a perfect gentleman.

Link wondered whether to interrupt or to wait until he was finished. He decided to wait. Mostly because he wanted to be nowhere near the white-haired teen when he was eating.

The teen finally finished eating and grinned in a very satisfied way. Link decided that it would be safe to approach him now.

He walked up to the whitette and cleared his throat. The boy looked up at him and various emotions passed through his face at once. Surprise, expectation, disapproval, disappointment and finally, a resigned sigh released itself.

Link was a little irked.

He crossed his arms. "What is this place?"

"A bar/inn," the boy answered, grabbing a glass of wine and calmly sipping it. Link had an urge to remind him that minors(he was a minor, right?) should not be drinking, but then he remembered what had happened the last time tried to pull the underage card on him and decided to wisely keep his mouth shut. He was still wearing his pink pajamas, after all.

"Why did you bring me here?"

He got a shrug in return. "I was hungry. I wanted to eat."

"I see," Link said, trying to look composed, when in fact, he was itching to punch the whitette.

Link was about to say something else but suddenly a weird guy with red hair, wearing an eye-patch, appeared out of nowhere and draped an arm over the white-haired boy. The whitette gave the redhead an annoyed look but the redhead ignored him in favor of grinning at Link.

"Hey, you didn't say you were here with a friend! Come on, Allen, introduce us!" said the redhead in an over-enthusiastic way. The whitette, whose name he only now learned was Allen, sighed as if he was suffering and wanted nothing more than to get out of this situation. Link could relate.

"Link, this is Lavi. We just met. And Lavi, this is Howard Link, an... acquaintance," said Allen.

"Oh, cool!" _Just what did he find to be cool about this situation?_ "Nice to meet you, two-dots~"

At that moment, Link decided that he did not like Lavi. At all.

 _Two-dots? TWO-DOTS? Who does he think he is? I am an inspector, for god's sake. Show some respect! Oh wait, he doesn't know that I'm an inspector. But still, that is extremely rude. Does he go around calling people rude names all the time? He just met me!_

While Link was too busy rambling to himself, Lavi had started talking animatedly to Allen. He was talking about some girl that had bumped into him and how she was totally his type but it had turned out that she was here with her boyfriend. Allen was nodding politely, but it was clear that he was feeling uncomfortable. Come to think of it, why was Lavi being so buddy-buddy with him, anyway? Hadn't they also just met?

"Hey, beansprout! I just got an awesome idea! We decided to go bar hopping since there are so many bars around here, would you like to come with us? We were just planning on sleeping originally, but then we decided that since we're here, why don't we make the most of it? Say, say, will you come?" asked Lavi, almost jumping from excitement. What was he, five?

Allen looked like he really did not want to come. But still, he said, "Yeah, sure, why not? I would love to! But can Link come with us too?"

Link looked at him with horror. Allen looked at Link with a look that said, _If I'm gonna suffer, you'll suffer with me._ Please, was making him run across the whole town in his pajamas and then dragging him to an unknown place not enough? Now he had to bar hopping?

How had it come to this? He was just supposed to investigate the Noahs and get a sample of their drugs. Now he was stuck bar hopping with said Noah and some other unknown people.

If he could survive tonight, he was definitely going to quit being a police.

* * *

Allen took a sip of the whiskey and proceeded to leave the bar. It was the fifth bar he had visited so far.

How had it led to this? Well, what was supposed to have been a normal bar hopping with Lavi, Lenalee, Kanda and Link, had somehow turned into a contest of who could visit the most bars within the night. And so, here he was, making his way around the town, trying to find the next bar.

Allen had no doubt that he would win this. He had experience with this sort of thing, after all. (Don't ask)

But he made sure not to drink too much at one bar. He had no wish of turning into Cross 2.0, after all. He was very much happy just being Allen 1.0, thank you very much.

[ It should be stated that Allen 1.0 is actually not much better than Cross 2.0 ]

Allen took a turn and entered an alley. It was dirty and shady, just the kind of place where you could find criminal hideouts. Also the kind of place where you were most likely to find some bars ridden with crime-lords. Allen would fit right in.

Allen turned left and just as he had expected, he was greeted by the sight of a rather large bar. A large billboard hung on the top, _'The Misty Calf''_ written in bright colors. It was almost blinding, and the sound coming from inside was deafening too.

Yes, this was exactly the kind of place he was looking for.

Tentatively, Allen stepped inside. And then again promptly left.

Nope, it was too crowded, and a really messy bar fight was taking place. He did not fancy being punched in the gut or, god forbid, worse places by random strangers. He would need to take some mental preparation first before entering it. He took a few deep breaths and steeled his nerves. He had seen worse than this. After seeing the Earl in his underwear, nothing really gave Allen a fright anymore.

He stepped inside again, and this time, he was prepared. He dodged the punch that came flying his way and then dodged a kick from his left. He dodged lots of similar attacks before finally making it to the counter. Sighing, he ordered a drink.

The bartender gave him a suspicious look.

"Aren't ya underage? We don't sell to minors."

Allen sighed again. He took out a card from him pocket and showed it to the guy. In it, it was clearly written that Allen was twenty-one, when in fact, he was actually nineteen. At least the bartender did not cause anymore trouble and gave him what he wanted.

While drinking, Allen made the mistake of letting his guard down.

A punch came flying out of nowhere and Allen, too busy drinking, failed to react in time and got punched in his gut. He flew out of the chair he had been sitting on and hit the wall before landing on his butt. Hard.

"Ow..." he said, clenching his stomach.

He failed to notice that the transmitter that had been in his pocket had come out and that he had been pressing on it with his elbow for quite some time now. When the shock passed, Allen became aware of something beneath his elbow. When he looked, His face immediately went whiter than chalk.

He had accidentally transmitted an emergency signal to Neah.

He was in deep shit.

* * *

Neah was baking cookies when his whole body suddenly started vibrating.

It took him a while to figure out that it was his transmitter sending an emergency signal.

It took him another minute to figure out that it was an emergency signal from _Allen._

He quickly took the transmitter out of his pocket and fumbled, trying to grab it properly while wearing mittens. Eventually, he gave up and passed it to Cross to read. Cross was sitting on a sofa, a safe distance away from Neah just in case he ended up setting fire to the kitchen.

Cross took it with an eyebrow raised. He looked at it for a moment before saying,

"'The Misty Calf', that's where he's at. What sort of name is 'The Misty Calf'? Must be a bar or something."

"Wherever it is, we have to go there! Now!" said Neah, frantically trying to put away his apron and put on some presentable clothes at the same time.

Crass raised eyebrow, again. "I recall you saying that you won't go anywhere until your cookies are finished. Come to think of it, why are you baking at midnight in the first place?"

Neah sighed. "That's not the problem right now. The problem is that Allen is in trouble in some weirdly named bar and you are wasting my time not cooperating. 'The Misty Calf'. Just the name oozes suspicion!"

Cross once again raised eyebrow. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately.

"Really? I think it just shows that whoever named the bar is an idiot dickwad who couldn't come up with anything better."

Neah sighed again. He also seemed to be doing that a lot lately.

"Are we seriously arguing about this right now? the point is, Allen is in trouble and we. Have. To. Go. Save. Him!"

"Fine, fine," said Cross, knowing that it would be pointless to argue with Neah, "I still think that the brat can handle himself just fine. Or rather, I think we should just leave the dirty brat to die."

Neah gave him an extremely charming smile. "What did you just say, Cross? I couldn't hear you. Would you mind repeating it again?"

"Uh, nothing. Nothing, really. Let's go find my idiot apprentice."

Neah smile broadened. "That's what I thought."

 **I think that was the longest chapter yet. I was supposed to post it yesterday but couldn't due to some inconveniences. I haven't edited it or anything, so there are probably some mistakes, which I apologize for. I am pretty tired right now, so I am gonna reward myself with some food. Don't forget to follow, favorite and review! Until next time ;)**


	7. Shop-Lifting and Passenger-Seat driving

**Hello, people! Here's chapter 7! Thanks to everyone who reviewed. And now, we get to see Kanda in cat ears, Lenalee in pants, Link's drunk personality and, the highlight and most important part of this chapter, Neah to the rescue(but Allen isn't getting rescued just yet)! So, sit back and enjoy this belated New Year present from me.  
**

~Shop-lifting and Passenger-Seat Driving~

"Faster, faster, faster!" screeched Neah through gritted teeth.

He was seated on the passenger seat of Cross's car, clutching his seat-belt like it was his lifeline, while simultaneously glaring daggers at Cross. Good that Cross happened to be too busy with the steering wheel to notice. Otherwise, he might have died a hundred times over already.

A string of very colorful words came out of Cross's mouth as he took a particularly rough turn, almost sending both himself and Neah flying out of the window. He eased his feet on the accelerator, slowing the car a bit, and immediately, Neah started nagging him about how he was not going fast enough.

 _Why did I sign up for this again?_

"For God's sake, Neah, shut your damn mouth! I'm going at, like, fucking 185 right now! How much faster do you want me to go? If I go any faster, our teeth will fly out of our mouth!"

[Not that he cared about Neah's teeth flying out. He would actually be rather glad if that happened. But alas, luck was not on his side.]

Neah muttered something unintelligible under his breath. It was soon followed by something along the lines of, _Who cares? Our teeth are gonna fall off sometime, anyway. We aren't exactly getting any younger over here._

On the outside, he yelled/whined at Cross, "It's not fast enough, Cross! Go faster, fasssterrr! My dearest Allen is in trouble, we have to go save him! Right now!"

"Goddamn Neah, what the fuck? Why are you in such a hurry? The brat can handle himself just fine! It's literally been like, one minute? Seriously, you and your damned nephew complex! You tell me to go faster one more time and I swear I will throw you out of the car!" Cross yelled back.

"But-" Neah tried to protest but was immediately cut of by Cross.

"No buts. Shut your fucking mouth for a moment, would you?"

Neah, although begrudgingly, complied and stopped talking. But what he did next was far worse.

He shoved Cross out of his seat, leaned sideways and grabbed the steering wheel. His whole body weight pressed down on Cross, almost sending him under the seat and making his foot press down on the accelerator even harder, making the car speed up, which was exactly what he had been hoping for.

"What the fuck, Campbell?!" Cross shouted and tried to push Neah out of the way. But it only served to make Neah lose control of the steering wheel and the car to swerve dangerously close to a stop sign.

A wide grin spread across Neah's face, in that classic, cliche Noah-style. Cliche or classic, it managed to portray the same level of insanity.

"Passenger seat driving," said Neah, his grin splitting his face, "I've always wanted to try this out. Figured that since I have the opportunity now, why not make the most of it? Oh, look, look! This is much more fun than I thought it would be! I can't believe I did not try this sooner! It _is_ a bit uncomfortable, though. Oh, and why are we switching to last names now?"

Cross's eyebrow twitched as he tried, to no avail, to push Neah back and take control of his car. "Get back now, Campbell, or I swear I'll torture your traitorous hide so hard that your grandchildren will feel it!"

This only served to widen Neah's grin, if that was even possible.

"Don't have any grandchildren, Cross, and I doubt I'll be having any in the future. And if you're talking about Allen's children, I'll have you know that in order to make that possible, we have to save Allen first. Which, might I remind you, is exactly what I am trying to do. So, shut up and help me out, would you?"

Cross groaned to himself, but in the end, resigned himself to his fate. It was obvious that Neah was not going to back down anytime soon.

He groaned once again as Neah's elbow dug into his stomach, and wondered to himself, for the umpteenth time, _Why did I sign up for this again?_

Neah took a particularly rough turn, sending both of them to the very front, with Neah almost face-planting in the wind-shield. Curses flew out of Cross's mouth, and a sound of pure glee from Neah's. That bastard was having a bit too much fun with this. This should be illegal.

Oh, wait. It already was.

After a few more moments and a few more life-threatening turns later, Cross decided that enough was enough. Fuck Neah and his illegal activities. This was his car and he was the one in charge. If Neah did not like that, then fuck him, because who cares about his opinion, right?

Taking a deep breath, Cross prepared himself to partake in a tug-of-war with Neah. Normally, Cross would never need any kind of preparation for that sort of thing, but then again, normally, they weren't in a moving vehicle.

After having made sure that he was totally prepared, Cross lunged towards Neah and tried to grab hold of the steering wheel. But Neah proved to be much more resistant than he had originally thought. And to make matters even more unbearable, he even stuck his tongue out at him. As if he hadn't been acting enough immature as it was.

The two of them engaged in a tug-o'-war, with neither of them willing to lose. In their fight, they were so absorbed with just grabbing the steering wheel that they completely forgot to check if they were going in the right direction. By now, neither of them was steering the car, and it was going forward still solely because of Cross's foot still being on the accelerator.

Cross finally managed to shove Neah away and take control of the steering wheel but once his eyes landed on the front, they widened with horror. They were driving straight into a dead-end of an alley. And, the rate they going, the car was bound to hit the wall before Cross could stop it.

Neah seemed to have figured out the problem as well, if his bulging eyes and dissipating grin was anything to go by. It was too late to stop the car now.

So instead, they braced themselves for impact.

The impact came soon enough. And it came _hard._

And to make matters worse, Cross was only one who had to experience it, because Neah(that traitorous bastard) had somehow managed to open the door at the very last second and flung himself out of the car before it hit. Cross was not nearly as lucky. He suffered it first-hand, and had to watch as his beloved car smashed into that damn wall, destroying the headlights and bumper, and totally damaging the whole front.

Cross had never felt like crying so much in his entire life. The fact that Neah had bruised himself while getting out brought him some comfort, but it was still nowhere close to compensating for the loss of his beloved car.

He kicked the door open and got out of the car, determined to murder Neah once and for all.

"Campbell, you fucker! This is all your fault! You cost me my car! _My car!_ All because you wanted to go to that filthy brat. How the fuck are you gonna make up for it, huh? The car's not just gonna repair itself, ya know? You're buying me a new fucking car, ya got me? Oi, do you hear?"

But Neah was not listening to him. He was staring at something else. Or rather, to be more specific, a rather dirty-looking bar at the far left.

"Hey, Cross... I think I found our bar."

There, at the top of the dingy bar, was a bright signboard, and on it was written the name that they had been searching for all this time.

 _'The Misty Calf'_

* * *

Link was definitely not nervous.

He definitely was not sweating because of nervousness and was totally getting along with the strange trio of Lavi, Kanda and Lenalee, and he was totally sober and chatting with them, and oozing confidence.

. . .

Yeah, no. Who was he kidding? He was absolutely jittery with nerves and hiccups and his face was tinted red because he was drunk and embarrassed, and he had only taken one and a half shots. Yes, he was totally fine, people. Really.

Except, he was really not. He could hardly keep up with the odd trio's conversation which had somehow gone from politics to robots to cats to- Link had stopped keeping track long ago and he was not even sure what they were talking about right now.

When Lavi had announced their bar-hopping contest, Allen had separated from them, but since the others were not quite as well acquainted with bars in this part of the town, they had resorted to sticking together. Not that Link minded, he found the weird trio's company to be much more likeable than that underage Noah's.

OK, that was a lie. He preferred Allen's company to the three oddballs(not to say that Allen was not an oddball himself; it was just a matter of having known him for a slightly longer time). Hey, come to think of it, that was the third lie he had told so far. Normally, Link was an honest(as honest as assistant of Malcolm C. Lvellie was allowed to be) and truthful person. Must be the alcohol.

Some people became truthful when drunk. Inspector Howard Link became a liar.

He hiccuped as he took another swig. It tasted absolutely divine, and he felt as if he was the luckiest man on Earth. (Lie No.# 4)

Kanda, Lenalee, Lavi, and Link entered a building which vaguely resembled a shop, but Link could not be sure. Weren't they supposed to be bar-hopping? Why would they be in a shop? And why was the shop even open at this hour of the night?

Nonetheless, he did not question it. He was perfectly content with following the trio around, and he was not even complaining, internally or otherwise, to Lavi swinging an arm around him. He was feeling that forgiving and kind, see. (Lie No.# 5)

Lavi suddenly let go of him and pointed to something on display on one of the racks. It was a disgustingly cute headband with furry cat ears, and Link felt pity for any individual who would ever have the misfortune of having to wear that monstrosity.

That individual turned out to be Kanda. Suddenly, Link was not feeling that much pity anymore. (Lie No.# 6. Link was a naturally good-hearted person; he felt sorry.)

"Hey, Yuu-chan, Lena-lady, aren't these cute?~ Hey, hey, I think this would suit Yuu-chan well~ Come on, Yuu-chan, try it out, try it out!" Lavi urged.

"Don't call me that, Idiot Rabbit.." said Kanda, but there was no bite in his words, and they came out totally slurred.

While Lavi kept urging Kanda to put on those cat ears and kept distracting him by calling him that so hated nickname, Lenalee sneakily grabbed the headband and put it on Kanda's head. Immediately, Kanda growled and tried to push it out of his head, but Lenalee grabbed him in a choke-hold before he could to any moaned and groaned for a few more times, but eventually just gave up.

Link decided that Kanda looked weird in cat ears. Sure, they actually suited him and he pulled off the look effortlessly, but Link had never been one to enjoy or appreciate these sort of things. (Lie No. 7)

Somehow, Kanda managed to look scary and threatening while wearing those disgustingly cute cat-ears. Lavi was clutching his stomach, trying to stop laughing, while Lenalee had disappeared off to the dressing room to try on some pants that she had found.

Lenalee came back sometime later, wearing a pair of brown leather pants. Lavi and Kanda's eyes widened at the sight and their jaws dropped to the floor. Kanda even momentarily forgot about his cat ears. Lenalee twirled around and struck a pose, causing their jaws to fall down even more, if that was even physically possible.

Link was confused. Why were they so surprised? Not to say that Lenalee didn't look good in those pants (Lie No. 8; they were the wrong size), but what was there to be so surprised about?

"Bu- but, Lena-Lady, you _never_ wear pants!" said Lavi, sounding impressed and aghast at the same time, "What do you think will Komui say?"

"I'm sure brother will be happy," said Lenalee in a dismissive way, "He never blames me for anything."

"True," both Lavi and Kanda admitted. Link was totally not lost on their conversation. (Lie No. 9)

Well, as long as they were happy, Link did not have any problems. He briefly wondered what Allen was doing, but was soon shaken out of his thoughts when Lavi and Kanda started arguing again and Lenalee started scolding both of them. Normally, Link would have reprimanded them for such behavior, but then again, normally, he was not a lying drunk.

A pink wig came flying at him and hit him in the face. He was totally calm after that and did not do a thing. (Lie No. 10)

 **And that's a wrap! This was supposed to be much longer but I had no time to write so I cut it down to two chapters instead. Sorry if you guys were expecting to see Allen and Neah meet up. Don't worry, there will plenty of that in the next chapter. Follow, favorite, and leave some reviews! I'll be expecting your feedback. Until next time ;)**


	8. Know Thy Enemy

**'Sup, people? This is where the climax of the story comes in, Road's party! I think most of you had already forgotten about that but no matter, I'm here to remind you. Now the question is, what sort of party is it? And for what? And is it for Road or thrown by Road? And what are Allen, Neah and Cross going to do when they find out that they have to attend? (OK, that was more than one question.) You wanna know?(another question!) Then keep reading.**

~Know Thy Enemy~

"Millennie~" Road's voice rang through the manor as she opened the door with an exaggerated push. Tyki's sigh could be heard from behind.

The Millennium Earl came rushing down the stairs to meet them. Wisely was closely behind, looking at them with his signature smug look which seemed to scream, _I know something that you don't and therefore, I am superior to you._ No matter how many times Tyki saw that look, the urge to punch him in the face never faded.

"Ah, Road, Tyki-pet~" said the Earl in a sing-song voice, "I am so glad you're back! Did the mission go well?"

"Yes!" said Road. Her voice was a bit too cheerful for someone who had just recently gouged someone's eyes out. Not that Tyki could blame her. He himself had been wearing a shit-eating grin all the way to the manor.

"I knew you could do it!~ It's a shame the others haven't returned yet. I sent Sheril to take take of some state matters in Portugal so he'll probably be a little late. Lulu Bell went to take out a few of our enemies, she said she's be back by tomorrow morning. I don't know what's taking Jasdevi so long, though~"

Wisely snickered. "Probably ran late because of their chicken."

"Again," Tyki added. Road nodded, backing him up. The Earl silently wept at Jasdevi's incompetence. It was not the first time that his faith in them had been crushed to nothing. The others did not worry too much. They knew his trust in them would be mended in no time.

The Earl's weeping did not last too long. He soon brightened up and the dramatic tears were replaced with a shining, dangerous glint in his eyes.

"It's no matter, I'm sure they will be back soon!" See, that didn't take too long, did it? "I actually have a surprise for you~"

Road immediately brightened up. "A surprise? Tell me, tell me!"

The Earl chuckled. "Don't you remember what day tomorrow is?"

Road's eyebrows scrunched up in concentration. Seriously, what day was tomorrow? Tyki did not know either.

Road figured it out first and when she did, she let out a loud gasp. "Oh my god, it's _that_ day!"

The Earl nodded vigorously. "Yes, my dear Road, it's _that_ day!"

Tyki frowned in confusion. "What day?"

Wisely's smug smirk immediately made him rethink that question. That little shit. Couldn't he try to be less smug about things? Not all people were crazy know-it-alls who could seemingly read minds like him.

"Oh, don't tell me you don't remember, Tyki-pet?" Yup, Tyki was definitely going to kill him. He wondered whether it would be possible to get away after murdering someone from his own mafia family.

Tyki decided to play it cool. "Well, you see, unlike you, I have better things to remember."

Wisely's smirk only grew at that. "Like how to cheat at poker? Might I remind you, even after all that cheating skills, you've never once been able to beat Allen."

Tyki was starting to sweat. "Now, now, that's an unfair comparison, isn't it? We all know it's impossible to beat Cheater Boy A in poker."

Road rolled her eyes at both of them. "Now you're getting off topic. But seriously Tyki, it's _the day_! How could you not remember _the day_?"

Tyki sighed. "Could you stop it with all the vague bullshit and tell me what day it is?"

Road, Wisely and the Earl all shook their head as if they were very much disappointed in Tyki. Instead of answering his question, they prompted to ignore him and went on with their conversation.

"So, anyway, to celebrate the day, we are going to throw a party tomorrow night!~" said the Earl.

"You mean I am throwing a party," corrected Road, "I'm always the one who hosts parties, you can't take that away from me!"

"Of course not, my dear. You are going to throw the party, of course~"

"Yes!" Road cheered. Tyki was still lost as to what the conversation was about.

"Just what is it about, tell me already!"

"Tyki, you are absolutely the worst. How could you not remember what tomorrow is? We celebrate it every year! Tomorrow is a very memorable day for all us Noahs. It is the day when the Noahs were first created, it is the day when Neah was punched by Allen for the first time, it is the day Jasdevi found their chicken, and most importantly," Road took a dramatic pause, "It is the day when I first kicked the ass of the local police officer, Malcolm C. Lvellie."

* * *

Allen nervously sipped his drink. If possible, he would have bolted from the place long before but now that he had ended up accidentally sending an emergency signal to Neah, it would be best to just wait here for him him to arrive and then explain everything. Otherwise, if Neah came and saw that Allen was missing, he would throw a fit, and god forbid anyone who had the misfortune to ever witness that.

Allen glanced at the clock on the wall of the bar. It was well past midnight, but none of the people present here seemed to be showing any signs of getting tired anytime soon. Well, their town wasn't called 'the town that never sleeps' for nothing, he supposed. Still, it would have been nice if these people quieted down. It didn't seem like it would be happening anytime that night.

Allen was only getting more and more anxious by the minute. When was Neah arriving? Knowing him, it was probably not going to be that long. He was probably on his way already. Would Cross be with him? God, he hoped not. If Cross heard what had happened, he would never let Allen live it down for the rest of his life. And then the news would spread to the rest of the family, and then Allen could just kiss his happiness and dignity goodbye.

Allen shuddered to think what would happen if, say, Jasdevi or Tyki ever came to know of the situation. They would make his life a living hell. Road would probably stand up for him because she never liked it when someone else other than herself was annoying Allen. Wisely would probably look at him with that infuriating gaze and-

A shiver ran down his spine. He should really stop thinking about these things. Thinking of these things were bad for his mental and physical health.

He decided to think of other things instead. Such as Two-dots, Eyepatch Dude, Jerkanda or Pigtail girl. What were there names again? Allen couldn't be bothered to remember. His memory had never been the sharpest and it only worsened when he took alcohol. One time, it got so bad that he could not remember Neah's name and Neah cried a river because of that. Cross laughed at both of them for weeks.

God, that was one of the most embarrassing events in his life. Jasdevi still made fun of him because of that.

Briefly, Allen wondered what would happen if Neah and Cross appeared and he couldn't remember any of them. Now that was a scenario he never wanted to experience.

Allen was shaken out of his musings when the front door of the bar opened with a loud thud, almost making the door fly off its hinges. Allen could only think of two people who would do something like that. Three guesses who they were.

Yep, Neah and Cross. The banes of Allen's existence.

Allen heard them before he saw them. "Allen! Where are you?! You're dearest uncle has come all the way to save you!~"

He heard a smack - probably cross smacking Neah for his stupidity - and couldn't help but facepalm. And these two were supposed to be the adults here. Allen sometimes wondered how he had managed to keep his sanity in tact for so long, what with having these two for his guardians. He was willing to bet that even Sheril was a better parent that they were.

Allen could not exactly see them but he could see that the people that had been in the bar brawl were getting rather close to where they - he supposed - were standing. Just a bit closer and Neah and Cross would be roped into the fight as well. Allen pondered whether he should step in and whisk them away, but then decided, nah, it wasn't worth it.

A bar fight was probably not the worse things they had ever faced. Considering how much trouble they made Allen go through daily, this was an act of kindness.

Just as he had been expecting, the brawlers got a little too close to Neah and cross and before he - or they - knew it, they were also engaging in the bar brawl with them. Allen heard Neah's loud curses and Cross's shouts of 'what the fuck' but before long, they completely forgot what they had originally come here for and were totally focused on the fight in front of them.

Although he would rather die than admit it, Allen was a little miffed about that. Was he seriously that easy to forget about? Well, he really was not in any position to comment, though, because it was he himself who always said to focus on the things right before you. Now, he was starting to see the importance of seeing the bigger picture.

Allen watched as one by one, all the brawlers fell, either injured or exhausted, and the only ones still standing were Neah and Cross. Allen happily took a sip of his drink(he wasn't exactly sure what it was). He had not even had to dodge a single punch or kick, because none had come his way.

As soon as Neah noticed Allen, he let out a delighted whoop and rushed forward to give him a bear hug. Allen managed to dodge at the last second and pushed him away, but Neah wasn't deterred in the slightest. He happily went on babbling about how glad he was to see Allen in one piece and without any scratches.

"Oh, Allie-pop!" Allen shuddered at the dreaded nickname. "You don't know how glad I am to see you!" _Yes, I_ _do_. _You're making it pretty clear here._ "I thought you'd been kidnapped by some pedophiles or something. Or your stomach finally reached a limit and you passed out from having eaten too much. Uh, OK, I don't think that's actually possible but since it's you, I had to consider every option. So, what is it? What happened?"

Cross held back a snigger at the sight. "Yeah, brat, what the hell happened that you had to send an emergency signal, and to Neah, of all people? I don't see anything threatening around. Wait, don't tell me it was those amateur brawlers. I taught you better than that, idiot apprentice."

"Er, well, you see..."

Allen narrated the whole incident, from when he had entered to how he had ended up accidentally elbowing the transmitter. He was rather embarrassed, to say the least, and Cross's laughter wasn't really helping. By the end of the story, Cross was too busy laughing his ass of and Neah had a dumbfounded expression on his face.

"Wait, you mean to tell me, I left all of my midnight fortune cookies at the oven, _still baking,_ for nothing?" said Neah, his expression crestfallen.

"Um..." Allen wasn't exactly sure how to respond to that. Cross was now laughing even harder.

It took a while for Cross to stop laughing and for Neah to get over the loss of his perfect batch of fortune cookies. It still remained a mystery as to _why_ Neah was cooking fortune cookies at midnight in the first place, though.

"Wait a second, filthy brat, why were you in this bar in the first place, anyway?" asked Cross.

That was another question that he had been dreading. Reluctantly, Allen spilled the whole story to them, from how he met Link(hey, he could remember his name now!) to how he had ended up in a bar-hopping contest with said person and three other strangers.

Allen expected Cross and Neah to either look at him with disappointment or laugh at his expense, but to his surprise, they did neither. Both of them had very serious expressions on their faces, which would have been almost comical if Allen did not think that they were _actually_ serious about this. Last time they had gotten this serious, Cross had died a week later. Clearly, this was not to be taken lightly.

"Hey, that Link fellow, isn't he a police? if I remember correctly, he's that bastard Lvellie's assistant," said Cross in a thoughtful tone.

Allen almost choked on his drink. "What? You mean that I sold drugs to _Lvellie's assistant_ and dragged him to a bar? _And why the heck was he wearing pink pajamas_?"

"Poor guy, Lvellie'll probably end up firing him. He baked some great cookies too," said Neah in a sympathetic way. Cookies still seemed to be the most important point to him.

"And those other people you described... they seem like Black Order members to me."

"Yup, no doubt. They are all beasts. None of them know how to appreciate a good cookie." Neah stuck steadily to his point. One great point about Neah was the steadiness with which he could stick.

" _What?_ " This time, Allen did choke on his drink.

"Well, nothing we can do about it now except to stick around and see what happens. As they say, keep your friends close and your enemies closer," said Cross, a smirk now forming on his face. Allen was still stuck up about the fact that he had just been bar-hopping with his mortal enemies just until sometime ago.

But Allen could not stick with as much steadiness as Neah. He ended up accepting it as reality pretty soon.

"So.." he said, not exactly sure what more to add. Luckily, he didn't have to.

"So, we stick around and meet these folks," said Cross, "Know thy enemy, and all that."

 **Seriously people, you have to agree that kicking Lvellie's ass is definitely something to celebrate. You should all remember to stick steadily to your points, because it is a great point to be able to stick with steadiness. F &F, R&R. Until next time ;**


	9. Call of Duty

**So, we're nearing the end of this fic. This is not the final chapter, no, but we're getting there. Probably two or three more chapters? Yeah, something like that. Not more than that, though, because if I keep going then I won't be able to stop and eventually lose inspiration and if there is one thing I hate, it's an unfinished story. I want to finish it properly and I hope you are going to enjoy these last few chapters.**

* * *

~Call of Duty~

 _'Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.'_

Allen could not exactly remember who had spoken that line, but whoever did it was a true genius. Allen found that he completely agreed with the notion and he wished so, so much that it could be true for him. But alas, his large, loving, caring, close-knit family just had to live in the same town as him.

And currently, two of said family members were sitting right next to him, in a bar, chatting casually about different ways to kill their enemy without raising suspicion while drinking their seventh glass of- what was it again? Allen could not remember.

You know, your typical family outing.

"So, we stick around to make sure that they really are Black Order members and then kill them?" asked Neah, "I dunno, it doesn't sound like a very good plan to me. And what about Hitler wannabe's assistant?"

"If you have a better plan then say it," said Cross, "I don't see _you_ coming up with anything useful."

Neah knitted his eyebrows. "Cross, I can't function properly with the knowledge that my midnight fortune cookies were wasted for nothing. I was going to predict _the best_ fortune for you."

Allen decided to intervene at that moment. "I don't get it, why were you baking at past midnight, again?"

Cross grimaced. "I don't really want to know." His face was contorted in an ugly scowl as if he was constipated. Allen could not tell whether it was because of the alcohol or the thought of Neah's fortune cookies. He figured that it was probably the latter, because when has alcohol ever managed to faze Cross?

Neah huffed. "I don't get why you two are so stuck up on that. Can't a man enjoy his cookies in peace?"

"No," Allen and Cross retorted synchronously, "Not at midnight."

Neah looked very irritated because of that, or maybe it was the alcohol. Allen had learned over the years, through some painful experiences that he would very much like to forget, that Neah was a very unpredictable drunk. Sad and irritated and totally out of his mind. One time, he got so drunk that he _pole-danced_ in a _french bar_ and Cross had to knock him out and drag him away.

They never visited France again after that.

OK, now he was just getting off topic.

Wait a second, they hadn't been on the topic to begin with. What were they supposed to be talking about again?

"Hey guys, I don't think that's what we should be talking about right now. Weren't we discussing about how to get rid of the Order without leaving any evidence?"

"Aha!" Neah exclaimed, "Now I remember my argument! Evidence! That's what I was talking about. Why are you two bothering with hiding evidence? Most of the time, you're the ones with flashiest kills."

Cross and Allen looked at him like he was the most idiotic, stupidest, dumbest person in the world. Which he most definitely was not.(was)

"Campbell, they think I'm fucking dead. How the fuck do you think they're gonna react if they learn that their members have been killed by a dead person?"

"I think they'll buy it," said Neah thoughtfully, "They've always been rather big on the occult stuff. They probably won't even question it if we told them that the Millennium Earl can bring back the dead."

Allen snorted. "Yeah sure, but it's not like we're living in a world where the Earl can bring back the dead with, I don't know, just a call or something?"

"Yeah," Cross joined in, "It's not like the Noahs are some occult freaks who bring back the dead and think they are superior than other humans. It's not like I have a magic gun or anything, or like Allen's cursed by some demon or shit."

"Or like Road can control dreams and Tyki can pass through anything," said Allen, "That would be horrible."

"Or as if Wisely can read minds," said Cross, and then added, "Actually, I think Wisely _can_ read minds."

Neah huffed irritably, "Yeah, yeah, I got it already. We're not living in a world where the dead can return with just a call and the Noahs have superpowers. Got it, got it. No need to rub it in."

Of course they were not living in a world like that. That would just be ridiculous.

"Right, so now we are back to square one," said Allen.

"So... now what?" asked Cross.

"We could go back and I could bake my cookies in peace?" Neah suggested. However, his idea was promptly shot down by Cross and Allen's synchronous, "Shut up."

"Okay," said Allen, taking a deep breath, "Here's what we're gonna do. We go back to the inn and wait for them to return, if they haven't come back already. And after we've made sure that they really are who you think they are, then... I don't know, we'll poison them maybe? 'Cause we can't afford to have a fight and knifes could be too messy."

"Can't," Cross grunted, "Don't have poison with me. I wasn't really planning on having to kill Order assholes when we left the house."

"Yeah, I don't have any with me either," said Neah, "But maybe Allen could just start eating in front of them and they'll die in disgust?"

Cross actually looked like he was considering the idea, while Allen just gave him an annoyed look. "Been there, done that, and they're still alive. We had dinner together at the inn."

Neah sighed. "Fine then, we will go to the inn and wait for them to show up. And then we'll think of how to kill them later on. Deal?"

"Deal," said Allen and Cross at the same time. They seemed to be doing that a lot these days.

* * *

When Allen, Neah and Cross finally reached the inn after a lot of wrong turns from Allen's part and lots of scoldings from Cross's, it turned out that their targets had already reached the inn before them.

They looked drunk, Allen noted. After years of living with Cross fucking Marian, Allen could tell apart a drunk and sober person with his eyes closed. And Lavi actually was not talking for once, and Lenalee's way-too-short skirt had been replaced with pants(which he was extremely glad for. He was not sure what Cross might have done if she was still in the skimpy skirt of hers, enemy or not). And wait, were those cat ears on Kanda's head?

As soon as Cross and Neah laid eyes on them, they sucked in a breath.

"Yup, no doubt, it's them alright," Cross whisper-growled. Yes, it is possible to growl and whisper at the same time, if you are Cross Marian, womanizer extraordinaire.

"And that's definitely Hitler wannabe's assistant," Neah grimaced, "I remember him from when he came to my house to give pie when we first moved in."

Allen honestly felt slightly disappointed. He had been getting along with these people just fine, even better than he did with most of the Noahs. It was too bad that these people just so happened to be his mortal enemies.

"So, what do we do now?" asked Allen.

"Approach them, I guess," said Neah, "Maybe they don't know who Cross is. But just to be safe, let's use a fake name."

"I know just what to do," said Allen, a little of his Black persona seeping through, "Just leave it to me."

Allen walked up to the table where Kanda, Lenalee, Lavi, and Link were seated. It was Kanda who noticed him first and he greeted him with a nod of acknowledgement and a grunt of,

"Beansprout."

Lavi also turned to look at him and gave him a wolfish grin, "Hey, beansprout-Chan~ Looks like you won the contest. All of us are soo~ wasted!"

Allen snorted. "Yeah, I can see that. And please refrain from calling me a beansprout, my name is Allen."

"Yeah, yeah," Lavi waved him off, "Who are these people with you?"

"Oh, this are my uncles. Happened to run into them in town. This here is Uncle Ned," Allen gestured to Neah, "And this is Uncle Freddy."

Behind them, Cross choked on his spit. He turned to Allen with an aghast look that said, _Freddy? FREDDY? Why would you name me_ Freddy _? WHY?_ Because Freddy was the name of the one debt collector who managed to get hold of Cross once. Ever since that incident, Cross had never spoken to anyone named Freddy and refused to see any movies or TV shows with characters that had the name. Although Allen personally liked the Freddy guy just fine.

Neah was trying hard to keep in his laughter, causing him to have a constipated look on his face. Unfortunately, Lenalee took notice of it, and immediately switched to her mother-hen form.

"Are you okay?" she asked Neah concernedly, "You don't look so good. Maybe you should hit the hay now. In fact, neither of you three look any good. You should all get some sleep."

"Funny you should say that, Lena," said Lavi, laughing in a good-natured way, "We all look much worse than they do."

Kanda gave them a suspicious eye. "So, you just happened to run into your uncles named Ned and Freddy just across the street? Isn't that awfully convenient? They look like suspicious people. Even their names are suspicious."

Allen pretended to be hurt, although he was actually laughing inside his head. "Kanda, you might be a jerk to me, but you are not being a jerk to my uncles. I they're suspicious, then I am too. Do I look suspicious to you?"

"Yes."

Wow, no hesitation whatsoever. That actually hurt.

The whole time, Link had not spoken a word. He had a rather confused look on his face, as if he had seen Neah and Cross before but could not remember where. Now that Allen thought about it, he must have seen at least Neah before, because otherwise how could Neah have known that he could bake? Oh man, bringing those two here was starting to seem like a really bad idea now.

And Kanda was also already suspicious. Allen could only hope that the Order ones would be killed by the night and Link would be too hungover to remember anything in the morning. Yes, that seemed like as good a plan as any.

"You know what?" Link finally spoke, "It has gotten very late. We should all go to sleep and maybe have this conversation in the morning?"

"What an excellent idea!" Neah entered the conversation, "Yes, you are totally right, we should all get to our rooms and get some sleep."

Link once again gave a funny look to Neah but otherwise said nothing. They all started clearing out of the lobby and into their respective rooms. Allen led Neah and Cross to the room he had booked for himself. He knew that neither of them was going to get any sleep that night.

As soon as they were inside the room, Cross exploded.

"What the fuck, idiot apprentice? Freddy? FREDDY?"

"Now, now, this isn't the time for that, "Neah cut in smoothly with an amused smile, "Let's get to more pressing matters now, shall we?"

Cross gave Allen an I-will-kill-you-later glare and then turned to Neah. "Right, so what do we do?"

Neah started to answer but before he could, a loud ringtone reverberated through the room, instantly making them aware that someone was calling Neah. Neah fumbled in his pant pockets in search of his phone and it took him a few more seconds to figure out that it was actually in his breast pocket. Why would he keep his phone in his breast pocket?

Neah finally managed to receive the call after a hundred days. "Hello?"

" _Neah~ Why did it take so long for you to pick up? Actually, you know what? Never mind, I don't wanna know_." Now that was a voice Allen knew all to well. Road effing Kamelot. Why was _she_ calling? At this ungodly hour, no less. Wasn't it past her bed time already? Oh right, Sheril wasn't home. And why was Neah's phone in loudspeaker?

"Road, why are you calling? Don't tell me it's because you can't open your packet of candy again?" Neah asked, his nose crinkled.

" _Eh? No! I can open candy packets by myself!_ "

"No, you can't," said Neah, "But that's not the point. Why you calling?"

" _Well, you know, tomorrow is THE DAY? Or is it today? Anyways, we're going to celebrated it tomorrow evening. You and Allen and Cross better be home before afternoon or else Tyki and I are coming to pick you up. Just wanted to let you know. Bye!_ "

Before Neah could say anything else, Road ended the call. Neah look up at Cross and Allen, only to see that they were just as confused as him.

"What did she mean? The day? What day?" asked Allen.

The three of them went into deep thinking mode. It was Allen who figured it out first.

"OH, I get it! It's _the day_!" exclaimed Allen. And then Neah got it.

"Oh, it's that day!"

But Cross still didn't get it. "It's what day?"

It took another ten minutes for Cross to register what day it was. "Oh, that."

It took another ten minutes for all of them to register what kind of danger they were all in.

"But that means..." started Neah, horror evident on his face.

"That we'll only have until morning to kill the enemies and brainwash the police and..." Allen half-completed.

"We'll have to get get to the manor by afternoon," finished Cross, "Yeah, no sweat. Can't be worse than having to deal with Freddy and having to drag Neah out of a French bar when he was pole dancing."

Neah's indignant "Hey!" could be heard all across the town.

* * *

 **Right, so I finally managed to write this chapter. Sorry it took so long to update it. Leave your reviews and tell me what you think. There would probably not be an update next week, but I'll see what I can do. Until next time.**


	10. The Clock Struck Two

**Sorry for the really late update. This is the second last chapter to 'Kill Order'. I just could not find much inspiration, so I basically forced myself to sit down and write it because, as I said before, there is nothing that I hate more than an unfinished or abandoned story. Hope you enjoy this chapter.**

* * *

~The Clock Struck Two, Road Came To The Rescue~

Lavi was in deep thought.

Normally, that was not a situation that people would normally see Lavi in. Not to say that he never did any deep thinking, because he did, but it was just that people never saw him do it.

It was such an unnatural sight that, naturally, Lenalee and Kanda were very dumbfounded.

But the unnaturalness of the sight or the natural reactions were not the important matter, per se. The important matter was the matter that Lavi happened to be thinking about, which was, the unnaturalness of Allen's uncles.

Wasn't it a bit too convenient that Allen just happened to run into them in the middle of the night, in the middle of the city? Not to mention their shady names. Ned and Freddy. For some reason, it seemed to Lavi that these not not their real names. And that uncle Freddy guy, he looked awfully familiar for some reason. Had he ever run into him while collecting information for Bookman? Nah, that wasn't possible. Lavi had eidetic memory. He was able to recall any and everything with great precision. But he couldn't, for the life of him, recall where he had seen that man. **  
**

"Urn, Lavi, are you okay?" Lenalee asked in a worried tone. "You're starting to scare me here. Your face looks all constipated."

When Lavi didn't immediately answer, even Kanda grew worried(although he would never admit it in his next seven lives). "Oi, Idiot Rabbit, what sort of weird shit are you thing about?"

"Hey, don't you think Allen's uncles looked a bit shady?" Lavi finally spoke.

Kanda scoffed. "Of fucking course. Is that what got your panties in a twist. That beansprout himself is fucking shady as hell, obviously his relatives will be the same."

Lavi sweat-dropped. Yup, Kanda was as dumb as always. "No, that's not what I'm talking about. I just feel like there was something suspicious about them. Especially the Freddy guy. Seems like I've seen him somewhere but I can't recall it."

Lenalee pursed her lips. "Come to think of it, he _did_ look rather familiar. Have I ever met him at a cafe or something? But then there would be no reason for him to look familiar to _you_ , so that's a no-no."

"Hmm, maybe we've seen him in a photo?" Lavi suggested.

Lenalee and Kanda nodded. Yeah, that made sense. But they saw the photos of their targets and other people all the time, how were they supposed to remember one single photo? But in the end, they did end up remembering. Or rather, Kanda ended up remembering.

"Holy shit!" he suddenly exclaimed, "It's- It's Cross _fucking_ Marian!"

It took a few more moments for the information to finally click in Lavi and Lenalee's head. And when it did-

"No way! Ugh, yes way! How could I not remember it before? Of course it's Cross Marian! It's always Cross Marian!"

"But isn't he supposed to be dead? Didn't he, like, get caught in an explosion in Japan or something? How's he alive?"

"Idiots, it doesn't take a genius to figure that out, does it? Obviously, it was fake. It's not the first time someone faked their death."

"Well, looks like we at least found a Noah acquaintance. That is what we came here for, right? I actually don't even remember anymore."

"That's fucking stupid. I thought we came here to buy Komui's coffee."

"No, no, guys, you're both totally missing the point. If that guy is really Cross Marian, then that means that Uncle Ned is _Neah D. Campbell_ and Allen is _the_ Allen Walker!"

And then, there was silence.

When Lavi's last statement finally registered itself in all of their minds, they realized that it was actually true. The Jester, the Fourteenth and the General, all in the same place. The three top members of the Order's kill list. All. At. The. Same. Place. As. Them.

And then, there was chaos.

"Yuu-chan's holy hairband! This is, like, a once in a lifetime opportunity! We could get rid of the top enemies of the Order together!"

"That's cool and all but, how are we supposed to do that? And FYI, Kanda's actually using my hairband."

"Did you have to go and tell him that? Fucking woman. But seriously, how are we supposed to get rid of them?"

"Um, we don't really have any killing equipment with us 'cause we weren't supposed to kill anyone... A hand-to-hand fight maybe? I'm sure we could all kill people with our bare hands. And Lena-Lady has her heels!"

"Ugh, that's like the single dumbest plan that I've ever heard. But we don't have any other way it seems like. I can't believe I'm agreeing to the Idiot Rabbit's plan, what has the world come to. And change your fucking pants, Lena, you look hideous."

"What?! Kanda, you should never, ever insult a woman's looks. But I'm letting you off the hook this time, because you are actually quite right and we have more important things to focus on right now."

And that was how the Order members reached the decision to engage in a fist fight with the Noahs.

* * *

Elsewhere, in another room of the very same bar, the Noahs came to the very same decision. But the process was slightly different.

"So, I've got two things. One, we kill Link first and then fight the Order. Two, we kill the Order first and drug Link later," said Allen. He was the only one actually doing any productive thinking. Cross was to busy wondering what sort of women will be there at the party while Neah was whining about how his suit had been ruined by Road and he didn't have anything to wear.

How was he related to these two again?

Oh right, he wasn't. Thank goodness.

"Are you even listening? If you aren't, then I'm letting Black Allen out," Allen threatened, and it worked like magic. Immediately, both Neah and Cross totally forgot what they were doing before and sat up straight. Allen smiled, pleased with himself.

"Ah, right, the Order. What's the difference between the two options, anyway. All of them will be killed, end of story. Who cares which one is first," said Cross, reaching into his pocket for a cigarette and then cursing when he could not find it.

"Hmm, we'll have to get rid of evidence, too..." said Neah.

Cross and Allen both gave him a pointed look. "Weren't you the one asking just before about why we have to hide evidence? Why are you so eager to do it now?"

"What? That's cheating! You two were the ones that said we had to do it. Stop being so contradictory!" Neah whined. He was ignored.

"Although I did give you two awesome fake identities, they might have already figured out that you're Cross. And if they figure that out, they'll know who me and Neah are too," said Allen, "And since we don't have anything to effectively kill with, an all-out brawl is probably the only thing that we can do."

"Yeah, a direct confrontation is inevitable," said Cross, "We'll have to settle everything in an old-fashioned fist fight."

"Actually, we-" Neah started but was immediately cut off by Cross and Allen's synchronous, "You shut up."

Neah pouted and then again started whining. Other than the steadiness with which he could stick, another great point about Neah was the annoying-ness with which he could whine.

"Why is it that the only time you two ever agree on anything is when it comes to telling me off?! I blame you, Cross, this is all your fault that my dearest Allie-pop has become like this." And there was another great point about Neah, his inability to see a fault in his dearest nephew.

Said nephew shuddered at the dreaded nickname used by Neah. He then took a very deep breath, reached into his pocket, took out a pack of cigarette and a lighter, handed one to Cross and put one in his own mouth and lit it.

Next time, he was definitely going to remember to bring Jasdevi's drug candies.

Thankfully, Neah did not complain about Allen smoking and instead grabbed one for himself. The three of them took a long drag in sync and then let out a sigh. The were going to have to face the Order soon. It was already dawn by now.

"Okay, so we're going to kill the Order and get back to the manor before Road and Tyki arrive. Yup, no biggie," said Allen, "But first.."

"We need to have breakfast," they finished all together.

* * *

Meanwhile, in another room of the very same bar, Inspector Howard Link reached a very different decision.

No, no, not the breakfast decision, the direct confrontation one.

He was planning on fleeing from the place first thing after breakfast. And then the first thing he would do would be to go to his superior Lvellie and resign from the police. To hell if he was ever going to search about Noahs again. He was rather going to save up his money and open the pastry shop that he had always wanted.

Yes, he was going to live a nice, quiet life free of crazy Noahs and random strangers who liked to bar-hop and shoplift.

He let out a dreamy sigh at the thought of a life like that. Free of all those abnormal people and filled with tasty apple pies instead.

He made up his mind. He was going to flee this inn and live his bakery dream. And no one was going to stop him.

* * *

It was now around 10 a.m. All the Noahs and the Order and Link had separately had their breakfast, and were now preparing to carry out their respective decisions which they had made during 3 a.m, that is, the hour of bad ideas.

Link struck first.

He quickly shuffled to the bartender discreetly(or so he thought) and quickly asked her what the pay was, so that he could quickly just get out. The bartender sized him up for quite a long time(or so it seemed) before finally telling him how much money he had to pay.

When he heard, he fell from the sky.

"WHAT?!" His shrill scream resounded through the inn, "I ONLY STAYED FOR A NIGHT! THEY DON'T CHARGE THIS MUCH AT FIVE-STAR RESTAURANTS!"

Unfortunately, Link was too late to realize that he had just made a huge mistake. His scream had alerted the Noahs to exactly what his plan was, and there was no way they were going to let him get away after knowing their identities.

"Quick, the police is escaping. Catch him!" Cross whisper-yelled, immediately getting into action. Neah and Allen were way ahead of him, already running towards the counter where Link was still standing like a dumbass.

"Shit!" Link yelled out when he realized what he had just done, but by that time, it was too late. Allen had grabbed him by the waist while Neah and Cross cornered him from both sides.

Allen made a gesture to the bartender and although it looked meaningless to Link, the bartender understood it just fine and left the counter. It had been a sign to evacuate the inn, because a fight was about to break out.

The Black Order members also knew what that sign was, and it struck them, for the first time, that the Noahs were aware of their identities and had just signaled for the fight to start.

Kanda was the first to spring into action, swinging his word Mugen in a dangerous and threatening way. Or at least, it was supposed to be dangerous and threatening, but it was quite hard to take him seriously when there was still leftover soba sticking in various parts of his mouth.

Lenalee, who had now changed from her pants back to her skirt, also stood up and started making her way to the Noahs too. The heel of her boots clicked on the wooden floor, emphasizing on just how deadly her boots were.

But Lavi did not move. Because unbeknownst to anyone, he had accidentally caught a glimpse under Lenalee's skirt when she was standing up. And all the vigor had just left him at that moment.

It took some time, but he finally managed to pull himself together and joined Kanda and Lenalee in circling the Noahs in cliche villain-style.

"Alright," said Cross, grinning, "Play time's over."

And immediately, the two parties sprang into action in pairs, Allen with Lenalee, Kanda with Cross, Neah with Lavi. Poor Link, who was caught up in the middle of it, felt like crying. What had he ever done to get involved with these people? Now he wanted, more than ever, to just get the hell out of this place.

Allen and Lenalee were going so fast that they were practically just a blur to an onlooker. Lenalee was mostly on the offensive, landing kick after kick mercilessly. To his credit, Allen dodged each and every one of them and retaliated with his own punches and kicks here and there. They were both rather evenly matched and, secretly, they were both actually rather enjoying the fight. It was a shame they they would have to kill each other afterwards.

Cross and Kanda were both fighting somewhat lazily. Kanda was swinging around Mugen trying to land a hit while Cross was trying hard not to laugh and pulling all sorts of dirty tricks which got on Kanda's nerves. And both of them were swearing mightily, so much that it would have put all sailors to shame.

Neah and Lavi's fight was slightly. Along with each punch and kick, both of them were cracking some really bad jokes and puns. They were so bad that a normal person would have died just hearing them(which is why they will not be repeated here), but neither of them were very normal. Each was the self-titled 'King of Puns' and they were one-upping each other with bad jokes.

The clock struck twelve. The fight was nowhere near finished.

* * *

Road was getting bored. There was only so much decorating someone could do. The whole manor had been decorated from head to toe, ceiling to floor, every nook and corner. If she had to decorate anything, she swore she was going to die of boredom.

'Road Kamelot. Beloved daughter, sister, niece and murderer. Died of boredom at the age of nineteen.' It would be written on her gravestone. What a pathetic way to die, it would be.

And so, Road did the thing which she always did when she was bored. Annoy Tyki.

"Oi, Tyki~ Are you listening to me? Say, say, when do you think Allen's gonna return? I miss him! Hey, Tyki~ Play with me~" Road whined.

Tyki heaved a deep sigh. He had just been reading a very interesting book before Road decided hat it would be a good idea to annoy the hell out of him. Now what was he supposed to do. Once Road had made up her mind, there was just no way to convince her otherwise.

"Hey, Tyki, it's getting rather late. When is Allen gonna come? Didn't I say they had to be back by noon?"

"No, actually, you said they had to be back by afternoon. There's a difference," said Tyki.

Road stuck her tongue out at him. "Stop being a smartass like Wisely, Tyki. It doesn't suit you. What's the time, anyway? Let's go fetch them!"

Tyki sighed again. He had been anticipating something like this for some time now. And since he had absolutely to energy to argue with Road right now, he decided that he might as well go along with it and fetch Allen, Neah and Cross. Come to think of it, what was taking them so long, anyway?

"Alright, let's go," Tyki said as he closed the book and stood up. Road's eyes immediately lit up and she bounced off the sofa she had been sitting on, clapping an squealing like a five year old who had just opened her birthday present.

Well, Tyki supposed there wasn't much difference between Road and a five year old.

The two of them said goodbye to the earl and headed outside. Tyki got into the driver's seat of his car and Road climbed into the passenger through the window, because she said it was too much of a drag to open the door. Personally, Tyki thought it was much more of a drag to propel oneself through the window, but hey, what did he know?

Road took out her transmitter which was connected to Allen's 24/7.

"Oh, they're at that inn. Uh, I don't remember the name but, you know, it's that one. Where we always go for drinks and one night stands."

"Got it," said Tyki, and started driving.

They were at the inn before long. Road was practically bouncing with excitement at the thought of seeing Allen and Tyki just wanted to get this over with. The two of them got out of the car, Road again through the window, and made their way to the inn, only to see that the place had been evacuated.

"Oh no, they're fighting, aren't they?"

Road and Tyki opened the door to the inn, and what greeted them could only be described with one word. Utter chaos.

OK, that was two words, but whatever.

There was Neah, pulling the cheeks of some unknown redhead boy. Cross was fighting and swearing with a Japanese man(?) with a sword. A blonde man, whom, they recognized as their next door neighbor, was sitting on the floor, looking like he was about to cry. And- and then Road saw the sight that almost gave her a heart-attack.

There was Allen, pinned to the ground in a rather suggestive position by a pig-tailed woman who had her knee on Allen's chest and Allen's hands were around her neck and they were both looking onto each other's eyes with such fierceness that- that Road wanted to rip the woman's heart off.

"YOU BITCH! YOU DARE TO STEAL MY ALLEN FROM ME! I WILL KILL YOU A THOUSAND TIMES OVER AND RIP YOU APART AND FEED YOU TO JASDEVI'S CHICKEN! YOU WILL REGRET EVER LAYING A HAND ON MY PRECIOUS, PRECIOUS ALLEN, YOU GODDAMNED COW!"

The clock struck two. The fight was still nowhere near over.

* * *

 **Whew! Next chapter will be the last chapter. It will probably take some time for me to update but don't worry I'll do it somehow. By the way, fun fact, the name of the story, 'Kill Order', is actually a pun on 'kill the Order' and 'the order to kill'. I wonder what you thought it was. Review, follow, and fav. Until next time.**


	11. The Solution (Or Something)

**Well, this is the end. I just want to thank everyone who stuck with me through this roller coaster of utter nonsense. I really can't express my gratitude in words. This is my final gift to you guys. Enjoy! And tell me what you guys thought of the story.  
**

* * *

~The Solution (Or Something Like That)~

Lenalee was thoroughly annoyed. And confused.

One moment, she was pinning down her enemy and almost winning (ignoring the fact that his hands were around her neck, able to snap it in a split second), and the next moment, the door to the inn had opened and she was being yelled at by some Gothic Lolita.

And the moment after that, said Gothic Lolita was throwing candles at her -where did she even find those?- and she was being pushed away by Allen. Lenalee was rather disappointed. After all, no one likes having candles thrown at them by random strangers who may or may not be on your enemy's side.

[ It might also have been because she had been rather enjoying the position she and Allen were in, but that shall never be known.]

"YOU BITCH! HOW DARE YOU TRY TO STEAL ALLEN FROM ME?!" The Goth shrieked like a banshee, and Lenalee was amazed that her ears were still intact after hearing it. She was also very confused. What was that banshee talking about? Steal Allen away from her?

Pfft, Lenalee was trying to kill him, not date him. That Gothic Lolita must really be very stupid. Also, wasn't she, like, thirteen or something? Was she even allowed to be in a place like this?

When the banshee threw another candle at her, Lenalee decided that she was probably not thirteen and definitely more than capable of being her.

"Ah, stop with the candles," Lenalee cried, "And what are you even talking about? Steal Allen away from you? I don't even know you!"

The Lolita stopped for a moment and sneered at her in a voice that was not at all like a banshee, which amazed Lenalee even further. "The name's Road Kamelot. Now you know who I am."

And then, "SO STOP TRYING TO TAKE ALLEN AWAY FROM ME!" Ah, and there returned the banshee voice. Just when Lenalee had begun to think that maybe she was not spawned from a banshee after all.

Wait a second, if she really was spawned from a banshee, didn't that mean she had Irish genes? But she did not look very Irish...

Lenalee was reminded that she was getting totally off topic here when another candle came flying at her. She only managed to barely dodge it in the last moment. Huh, looks like this little punk was in need of some serious punishment.

Meanwhile, Allen was trying to get his own point across, and failing miserably. "Um, I was never yours to begin with?" He at first said to Road, whose own banshee-like voice had drowned out everything else, thus causing Allen to not be heard. He then tried to communicate with Tyki, who was still standing by the door with a bewildered expression. But Tyki could not hear him either, courtesy of Road 'The Banshee' Kamelot.

One person who was totally immune to Road's screams was Neah. If he wanted, he could easily take out Lavi right then and there because Lavi was too busy trying to shield his ears, but of course, Neah being the idiot that he is, instead decided that it was the correct time to tell Road that he had trashed her closet the day before.

"Yo, Road!" Neah said through all the noise, and somehow managed to be heard, "Did you check your closet? Isn't it in just the best condition ever?"

Road suddenly stopped attacking Lenalee and whipped around to face Neah. Lenalee tried to take this moment to strike, but Allen once again engaged her in combat, making Road able to pay full attention to Neah.

"What did you just say?" Road asked carefully, as if she was treading on thin ice, which she wasn't, "What happened to my closet?"

A maniacal grin, that was so often found in the faces of the Noahs, found it's way to Neah's mouth.

"Oh, you didn't know? Well, I sort of totally trashed it last night. You know, nothing major, just shredded some of your party clothes and replaced some others with Jasdevi's Christmas stockings. And, well, I might have let their chicken rampage around for some time..."

The expression of utter fury on Road's face was indescribable. "You... WHAT?!"

Neah counted down. _3... 2... 1. Here we go!_

"YOU DARE! THAT'S JUST AS BAD AS SEPARATING ALLIE-POP FROM ME! HOW COULD YOU?! HOW COULD YOU EVER DO THAT, YOU SON OF A BITCH!"

Neah gave a sort of non-committal shrug. "As you sow, so shall you reap. You were the one who tore all my best suits to pieces, bitch. The only reason I waited this long to get revenge was because Sheril was in town. But now that he's not... I can do what ever I want!" And then Neah gave a super-villain worthy laugh, which sent shivers down the spines of all those who heard it, not because it was villainous or anything, but rather because of how stupid it sounded.

Cross gave a sigh at the stupidity of all the people around him. And currently, the biggest idiot around was the person he was fighting, Kanda Yuu. It was clear that he guy had a hangover, what with the way he was wildly swinging around his sword. If anything, he was more likely to cut himself before he ever got Cross.

Turned out, Link was smartest out of all of them. During all the commotion, he quietly slipped away, determined to never come in contact with those crazy people again.

* * *

"..."

"..."

"... Earl, what are you doing?"

"Why, I'm baking cookies, of course!"

"And what, pray tell, is Jasdevi's chicken doing on top of your head?"

"..."

"... Thought so."

* * *

The fight between the Noahs and the Black Order was still carrying on. Except now, it was more Noah vs Noah with the Black Order as spectators.

Road, screaming like, no, even worse than a banshee, charged at Neah in full speed, determined to pulverize the molester of her beloved closet. Neah was also totally focused, absolutely hell-bent on not letting Road get the best out of him.

"I will kill you!" Road screamed, but now, it sounded more like Jasdevi's chicken, because she was trying to make it seem deadly instead of nonsensical, and was failing miserably at it.

"I will also- no, wait, I can't kill you. Sheril will obliterate me if I did. I will.. I will.. I will tear up all your voodoo dolls!" Neah cried.

Road gasped, "You wouldn't!"

Allen, Cross and Tyki sweat-dropped in the background, because seriously? And these two were supposed to be members of the deadliest mafia around.

Lavi, who was totally being ignored by his sparring partner Neah in favor of tearing some Gothic Lolita's voodoo dolls, was getting rather irritated. He was supposed to be killing his enemies, not watching them bicker like babies.

Wait, babies didn't bicker, did they? OK, that's not the point. The point is, his enemies were childish as hell, and Lavi was not in the mood for their shit.

"Don't ignore me!" With that battle cry, Lavi rushed into the cat fight that was taking place between Neah and Road. And soon enough, Neah and Road's stupidity had rubbed off on Lavi and he was also arguing with them about the best material for making suits, and whether top-hats were still in fashion or not.

Once again, Allen, Cross and Tyki were left with no choice but to drop the sweat.

The three of them engaged in combat with Lenalee and Kanda, who had also teamed up. Tyki was still not sure exactly what was going on and he had absolutely no wish to participate in Allen, Cross and Neah's shit, but he was bribed by Allen to join in with the promise of a fair poker match later on.

And although Allen's definition of _fair poker match_ was pretty much equivalent to _I-am-going-to-cheat-all-the-money-out-of-you_ , Tyki could not resist the allure of a poker game with Allen, and thus joined the fray.

The fight was still only getting started.

* * *

"Wisely, what do you think is taking them so long? Didn't Tyki-pet and Road already go to fetch them?"

"Yes, they did. They probably got roped up in their nonsense, as well."

"Now, now, Wisely. Have some faith in your dear sister and uncle~ I'm sure they are just fine."

"Of course, they are. I never said they weren't. You were the one who was worried, Earl."

"Yes, yes, of course I'm worried! Say, Wisely, why don't you just give them a call to check when they're coming? They're getting terribly late, I'm afraid~"

Sigh. "Sure, if that's what you want. By the way, what are you planning to do with the chicken?""

"...Chicken? What are you talking about?"

"The one that's on your head."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...Fine! Fine, I'll tell you. It's just that, my dearest Jasdevi entrusted their chicken to me before leaving for their mission! I couldn't say no~ I am so sorry! I really should not have accepted, should I have?~"

"No. No, you shouldn't have."

"..."

"..."

"... Just make the call, Wisely."

"... Sure."

* * *

The bar was, to say the least, in a state of utter chaos.

On one side, a heated argument regarding voodoo dolls was taking place, courtesy of Road, Neah and Lavi. On the other side, Allen, Cross and Tyki were engaged in combat/swearing match with Kanda and Lenalee. Well, Cross and Kanda were the only ones swearing, but whatever.

The floor was suffering the worst of the impact. It was filled with, spilled tea, vomited breakfast, a pair of cat ears, and lots of other things that should not be mentioned. The walls weren't much better. And let's spare the tables and chairs a mention.

If anyone were to walk into that place at that moment, they would think that the place looked nothing short of ground zero.

Well, they would not be very wrong, because each of the people present there were pretty much human equivalents of nuclear bombs. If nuclear bombs could crack bad jokes and swear like sailors, that is.

Everything was pretty much a blur to an onlooker. Or at least, it would have been if there was an onlooker, which there wasn't. All the people were terrified, and justly so, to even take a peek.

There was only chaos.

And then, suddenly, a shrill ringtone could be heard throughout the room.

And then, there was silence.

"Uh," It was Road who broke the silence, moving away and taking out her phone, "That would be mine. Please excuse me for a second."

She took out her phone and looked at the caller ID. Immediately, her face contorted into an expression of horror. "Shit," and trons of other curses flew out of her mouth as she hurried to receive the call, albeit unwillingly.

"Hello~" She greeted the caller cheerfully, although she was not feeling very happy at all.

" _Hello_ ," The voice of Wisely greeted back, " _I am not even going to ask what is happening, because undoubtedly, you have gotten tangled up in Allen, Cross and Neah's mess, and I have no wish to learn of their insane ways. I am going to cut straight to the chase: when are you coming back? You were supposed to fetch them half an hour ago_."

And thus, Road remembered the real reason why she and Tyki had come here in the first place, and another string of curses. Unfortunately, Wisely heard it all and reprimanded her for cursing, and she could practically feel the smugness radiating off his voice at having told her off.

Road sighed. "Fine, we're coming back, right now. Bye~" And with that, she hung up.

And then, grimacing, she turned to her fellow Noahs and said, "It's time to go. Wisely called."

The rest of the Noahs were also reminded of the party that was to take place in the evening, and their grimaces mirrored Road, except for Allen, whose grimace was more of a smirk than anything at the thought of all the good food that was going to be there.

Lavi, Kanda and Lenalee were thoroughly puzzled. Just what was going on? Did the Noahs have curfew or something?

It was unanimously, yet wordlessly, decided that while fighting with the Black Order had been an exciting experience, it was time to leave. They almost felt sad, but the key to this motion lied in the word 'almost'.

"Well," said Allen, feeling inclined to at least say a proper goodbye to the people he had gone bar-hopping with just the night before, "It was nice meeting you guys, but we really gotta scram now."

And then, the Noahs all dashed out of the bar and stuffed themselves into Tyki's car however fast possible. Tyki only barely managed to get into the driver's seat, Neah stole the passenger seat by force, Allen and Road climbed in through the back windows, and Cross was also forced to sit at the back with the little devils known as Allen and Road. As soon as Tyki managed to get his hands on the steering wheel, they set off, the wind drowning out Neah's whines about his own car which currently laid broken on the corner of some dirty alley.

Overall, it was a pretty anticlimactic end to an exciting adventure (sort of).

* * *

Meanwhile, Howard Link had managed to reach the office of his superior Malcolm C. Lvellie, and had just finished telling him of his tales and how he was quitting the police from now on.

Lvellie narrowed his eyes at Link. "So.. You mean to tell me that a teen with white hair appeared at your doorsteps at midnight, dragged you to an inn, took you bar-hopping with some strangers, met his uncles, and then you got caught in a fight between two parties and barely managed to escape because a third paty intervened screaming like a banshee?"

Link nodded his head.

"Mr. Link... Do you realize just how many laws you have broken in one night and how many you witnessed being broken? I could file a charge against you for all of this. And the first offense would be: lying to a superior officer."

Link huffed. "Trust me, sir. It is as hard for me to believe as it is for you. But it is true."

Huh. Maybe Howard Link had gone mad after all. Shame. He had been a really good man. The pressure of his assignment must have gotten to him. Well, it was not the first time Lvellie was witnessing something like this.

"...Very well. You can leave now, Mr. Link. from now on, you are hereby dismissed from the police."

Link heaved a sigh of relief. He thanked Lvellie and left the office.

Lvellie himself heaved a sigh after Link was gone. "Now... Where did I keep my spare beer bottles again?"

* * *

"Well, what now?" asked Lavi after a moment of silence.

Lenalee shrugged. "Well, our mission was to gather information and we certainly gathered lots of it, so I guess it was a success?"

Kanda also shrugged. "Meh, who cares. Nothing we can do right now. We'll just tell 'em what happened and it's up to them to believe us or not."

And therefore, the three Black Order members left the inn and embarked on their journey back to their headquarters. Along the way, they faced many hardships and conquered various things and blah, blah, blah. Basically, all the typical cliche things which heroes always face.

But that's a story for another time.

* * *

By the time the Noahs reached the manor, it was already time for the party. Fortunately, they all had spare clothes to change into before entering, but unfortunately, the Earl and Wisely were there to greet them at the door.

After making lots of excuses and promises to explain everything later on, they finally managed to enter the manor. It was totally buzzing with people, and Allen almost got squashed under people's feet at least five times.

After much trouble, he and Neah finally managed to make their way to the dining table, where various foods and desserts were placed. Unable to control himself any longer, Allen dove into the chocolate fountain, Neah laughing at him.

When Cross finally reunited with the two, he found Allen passionately making out with the chocolate and Neah not-so-passionately staring at said chocolate with jealousy. Cross was unable to stop himself from huffing st the scene.

"Yo, Cross," said Neah, raining a hand. Allen was still too busy making out with the chocolate to respond.

"Huh. So, that was quite the ride," Cross commented, casually picking up a chocolate and eating it. Neah stared at that chocolate with envy too.

Allen had by then finally diverted his attention from the chocolate enough to talk.

"I believe it all started when you came back from the dead. So, theoretically speaking, you are the root of all these problems."

Cross's eyebrows twitched. "Don't try to get smart with me, idiot apprentice. I'll wring out your neck."

Neah gave a gasp of 'you wouldn't!' but he was ignored by both Cross and Allen.

Allen's voice was dripping with as much sarcasm as his face was dripping with chocolate when he said, "Love you too."

And with that, Allen stuffed another piece of candy into his mouth.

* * *

 **The End.**

* * *

 _ **Extra:**_

The bartender walked into the inn and almost had a heart attack at seeing the state of the place. He contemplated getting a hazmat suit before treading the area but in the end, decided against it and traveled normally.

When he reached beside the counter, he feet stepped on a piece of paper. He stepped back and picked it up, only to see that it was a bill. And that's when the though occurred to him.

"Hey... THAT BLONDE GUY WITH THE MOLES NEVER PAYED HIS BILL!"

And that was how former inspector Howard Link's life was whisked into another nightmare right after getting out of one.


End file.
